Hi, this is a long one so sorry, I’m getting married soon and I have decided to keep my name because I have a son from a previous relationship and I got permission to change his surname to mine so I want to be the same as him, my partner won’t change his surname because he is the only male in the family and wants to keep his name in the family.. I don’t want to Double Barrel my name because we both have long surnames and I also have a middle name and I know I would always just go by my surname, my problem is we are talking about having a baby next year and obviously I would love my child to have my surname too but I know that’s unfair on my partner I was thinking about double barrelling their surname so they had both our names... so confused as the moment I think I’m just so head strong because of what I’ve been through with my ex. Another long story... I’m so independent, it’s my house my partner moved into too and Im keeping it that way as in mortgage stays in my name etc... I do admit I can be quite stubborn..
Hi I really don't understand you not taking your H2B's name. I love my Fiance so much and can't wait to change my name :)
If you don't want to double barrel your own surname because both surnames are too long then why would you double barrel your future child's? You need to have a chat with your H2B. Could you not double barrel your son's surname with and his dads surname and your H2B's? :)
What about changing your surname and your existing son's surname (again)? Depends on how old he is as to whether it would be a problem but then again you could make a thing of it about you all being one big happy family with the same surname.
I personally think it would be easier on everyone if you and your son both change your surname and then you would all be the same. Your partner wants to carry on his family name - how is he going to do that if you also don't allow his future children his name? You will need to sit down and have conversation and you will need to compromise. I have to say I am a bit anxious about changing my name as I am quite attached to my surname, but I will be changing it to my partners. A big part of marriage is about compromise and sharing - I am may have got the wrong end of the stick but at the moment it sounds like you are not willing to do that with anything.
I have a double barrelled surname at the moment, first is my mothers second my fathers, i will change this when i get married but long winded but equally love both my parents surnames - NOTE, they were married when they had me.
Both my kids have my last name as there middle name x
I have friends that haven’t married and both of their children are double barrelled so they have mum and dad
I also have a child from a previous relationship who has a double barreld surname when I get married I will double barrel my name so I can keep the connection with my son but create one with my step daughter and any children my h2b have will have double barreld surnames to connect us as one! I hope this helps xx
Married b4 and still kept my married name cos all my children have that surname. Marrying someone else in a couple of weeks and will b changing my name to his. I'm thinking now how strange it will b (after all the years) to say when phoning skl it's Mrs Thomas ringing re Gethin Venables
Here's another option. I'm keeping my surname for work and travel but taking my partners name for home life. Will be Dr Parnell and Mrs Petchey. I have a friend who is Ms X at work and Mrs Y at home and so you dont need the doctor title to do it.
I don't like the idea of it affecting my credit rating so I'm keeping my own name
I go by two names my surname and maiden name for different reasons. My friend had a step dad and was brought up with his surname and only officially changed it when she was 18. X
Double barrel your child's name. At least that way it gets to carry on both your family names.
If you want your future children to have your name then maybe put your new h2bs name as their middle name? You’re the one that’s carrying the baby after all
Why don’t you change your son to your HTB name as you got permission to change it all ready so when you get married you all be the same
I was double barrelled before I got married, and didn't want to lose part of it. I now have a different double barreled name since getting married. I then changed my name by depol to include part of my previous surname as a middle name. It might seem a bit longed winded but I'm soo pleased I did it, as my mum sadly passed away four weeks after we got married.
I'm quite traditional Thu but of you don't want to take his name you don't have to. When it comes to children I do think they should have their fathers surname (that's just my opinion)! But saying that if you did then your family is basically split into 2 (name wise) with old and new surnames!
My girls are double barrelled and when we get married in March we will be double barrelled too! X
You could have you and your son with your surname. Your husband and next child his surname- one each sort of with your surname as the next baby's middle name so it's in there but not double barrelled. Or put down both surnames but with no hyphen (it does make a difference) and just use the husbands surname alone for unofficial stuff.
I think you're possibly over thinking it, it's only a name after all.. it's give and take in a relationship and marriage.. so you guys should probably discuss it among yourselves and come to a happy compromise! Good luck!!
I don't have children but am in exactly the same position as you and have the same history. In addition, all the children in our family are female so giving up my surname would mean the end of our family name and why should I have to give that up? There are no legal or financial reasons to change your surname and changing surnames is simply a product of religion/patriarchy. Stick to your guns and keep your surname if you want to and don't bow to tradition just because it's expected. It's not you being stubborn either - after all your partner isn't willing to change his surname is he? Not having the same surname will not make your relationship any less committed or real and will not make you any less of a family. As for a future child that's a conversation to have if/when it happens - don't give yourself added stress now about a decision which can easily be made at a later date!
I wouldn’t change my name in a million years in your position, your husband should change his name. His reason isn’t as important as yours.
We were engaged when both our kids were born - we gave them my maiden name as a middle name and my h2bs surname. That way when we got married I changed my surname to his and we all match but my maiden name lives on too
I am double barreling my last name as i have kids in my last name and me and my h2b wont more so they will have his last name x
I was married previously, I have kept my married name as my daughter has her fathers surname too. However I will be getting re married and she is devastated that I won't have the same surname as her anymore. (my Fiancee also has a daughter, who has his surname). so my daughter is very aware of the fact that she'll be the only one with a different name. I've tried explaining it, but it is very difficult. Shes only 9 years old.
yes u cud double barrel ur new child
Children.have different names to.their mums a lot these days once their mums marry or remarry.
Its not a problem.
If your happy to double barrel the new babies name why not u and hubby do the same if it's too long it's too long so I would just double barrel everyone's solves any issue.
My family name will be double barrelled as I want us all to have the same name. In this instance though, as you've worked so hard to change your sons name then could you all double barrel, including your h2b? Both lineages continued. Poss consider adding your sons Dad's name as a middle name to honour him too.
My friend has a child with her ex partner.. she’s has just got married and had a new baby. The first born has her fathers name, the mother and the new baby have taken the husbands last name. Each child should had their own fathers last name xx
You don’t say if you’re expecting a boy or girl.
For a girl, you could naturally expect that she’d take Dads name till she marries unless she wants otherwise. For a boy it’s completely natural for Daddy to carry on the family name.
Can you sort of mix the names to create your own family identity and carry that on?
I’m sure I’ve heard of this before. Just take all the letters from both names and create a new one.
But you do need to Register that new name.
Me particularly have kept my elder two in their dads name only because they are their dads.
But we are very amicable.
I do know if their Dad was nasty or anything I would have changed their surname to mine. X
I’m changing mine and my oldest child’s surname to my soon to be husband’s and youngest’s surname. My eldest was happy with that and my husband to be was totally honoured. He wouldn’t have taken my name so we were going to have one child each.
Personally think it’s a bit unfair to not acknowledge how much he would want your new baby’s surname the same as his, if your eldest has yours, why do all names need to match?
My daughter (from previous relationship) had my maiden name from birth, but when I got married my surname changed. When my daughter is a bit older and understands she can either keep hers as it is or change it my current surname. (My husband has brought her up).
My older 2 children have my surname and my youngest hill has my husbands name. When we got married I kept my name and he kept his. Marriage wasn't about what name we had but a commitment to each other. We married after having children together but it works. No child feels left out and each child feels a connection to their name. Both our family lines continue although that wasn't taken into consideration when we decided. It's worth telling people about it tho if you are doing something non traditional as cheques and cards etc will be written in the assumed names otherwise. My husband has brought all 3 children up from very very young and they were given a choice but neither me not the older children wanted to or felt the need to change our names. Incidentally you have a legal right to use both names as a woman so I can if I want to use my married name at my youngest school but I doubt I will
Thinking about the mortgage...I am guessing you will make a new will dated the day of the wedding as whatever is in your name becomes half of his once married......
I don’t think there is an issue with you keeping your maiden name, lots of people don’t change their surname. However all this talk about being independent and keeping the mortgage in your name is just silly. As soon as you are married both your finances are the responsibility of you both. It’s called marriage.
The past is the past change your surname if it was me i would.
I have children from previous relationship an when we all moved together we changed their names at school docs etc to my partners name an when they were old enough they changed their surname by deedpole to my partners surname. We are now getting married so we will all have the same surname . I think u have to compromise
Sounds like a stalemate situation to be honest if neither of you are willing to change your name (which is your right of course) all I can suggest if you can’t come to an agreement is both keep your own names and your first born to be his surname, as that way you both have a child carrying on your family name? Just a suggestion, like you say it’s a tricky situation! I’m marrying a girl, so what’s the rules there?! I don’t want to double barrel and my partner doesn’t want to lose her name so I will change mine, but that’s the decision we came to as I wanted us both to have the same name! Everyone is different and there are no hard and fast rules these days so find what works for you two xx
I didn’t want to change my name because of my son so I’m Simpson McGuigan and so is my partner. Simpson is my maiden name. My son asked to take McGuigan as a middle name the day after our wedding, so he is now McGuigan Simpson x
The world is changing nowadays and it’s not necessarily always the done thing to change names on marriage anymore. It’s not done in other cultures anyway. I love my other half dearly but I’m not his property and I don’t feel like I need to change my name to prove that I love him and so I won’t be. You could double barrel any future kids names perhaps?
I've have 2 children from previous relationships who have a different legal surname to me but are known as mine and my husband's surname at school and day to day. It's just things like doctors etc that they have to use their legal surname. This could be another option and then you can change your surname to your husband's
Why would you not double barrel YOUR name because it’s too long but think it’s ok to do that to your child? It’s your choice at the end of the day but maybe think of your future husband as well
This might be an unpopular opinion but I feel you need to have a long talk with your fiancé. It doesn't seem like you're taking his wishes into account. Not saying you should change your mind justfor him but from the way you described the situation with your child and your house if your fiancé is unwilling to budge it might be because you aren't trusting him with important aspects of your life (house deed, your future child etc). Hope you come to a happy conclusion for all!
My 2 children share my surname and I'm about to have a baby with my future hubby (2019 wedding ) once baby is here she will have his name and I will take my hubby to be name once we are married, I don't feel the need to change my children's names as that is who they know them self's as and its nice they they are keeping it at the end of the day even if we all had a totally different names we would still be a family and that is all that matters..
My mum married and I took my stepdads surname. It's not a massive deal and makes you more of a family unit
I was in the same situation. I decided to double barrel my name even though I liked my name. Was the best solution as I share a name with both children so neither feels different.