We have got our date set, venue booked & guest list sorted already. I have already sent out save the dates to everyone who is invited. I am thinking of inviting more people to the ceremony, but missing them out of the wedding breakfast & then back for the evening. My H2B disagrees with this as he said he wouldn’t go at all if he was invited to just the ceremony and evening reception as he would feel like he wasn’t important enough to also be invited to the breakfast. But my point is that it does save money as they wouldn’t be eating, but I feel as though the wedding breakfast should be for just your nearest and dearest but more people are allowed to share the magicalness of the ceremony, he also believes that it is rude to send people away for a few hours in the day when they don’t know the area well, although I have done this myself a few times when I’ve only been invited to the ceremony and evening reception. What do you all think? Thank you
I personally agree with your husband to be. I would feel incredibly guilty about sending guests away for a few hours. Guests would also feel upset and may even decide not to come back for the evening do. Some may not even bother turning up because they will feel your not overly bothered by them being there.
Hope that helps x
HI you don't do this people will be offended :)
My OH has been invited to weddings like this and just felt honored to be asked. It is up to you. I totally understand why you would do this but maybe just invite those extra to the evening do x
I totally get where you're coming from, we have had situations like this before. I have to agree with you as weddings are very expensive and if you can save a little bit im sure your guests will understand, and if they don't, what can they really do or say? Remember it's your day! good luck with what ever you choose to do :)
How about sending some words to go with the invite stating that you would love them to witness your marriage but you're having an intimate meal n would be great to see them for a party in the evening, I'm sure u could get a poem for this which will make it more light hearted. I've never been to a wedding like this. Some ppl might think it's odd but it's ur day. X
I agree with your husband. I would rather having just an evening invitation rather than being told to go away for a few hours and come back.
I have never heard of this sort of arrangement and agree with your H2B. IMHO it is usual to go to the wedding breakfast if invited to the wedding. Evening invitations are to just that.
I have been invited to a few evening receptions and onthe invites it has said, feel free to join us at our ceremony and rejoin us for the evening reception to celebrate . I've never been offended, i think too many people are shallow. X
I honestly wouldn't do it. I would feel quite rude as well, it's also a pain for your guests so be ready for your ceremony and be all dressed up, to then be sent away and come back in a few hours! If there is people at your ceremony who you wouldn't have at the breakfast then you don't have them there. X
Personally I am in agreement with your husband. Invite them to the whole thing or in the evening only. It would be very awkward for guests to have to find somewhere to go in between ceremony and the evening.
It is totally normal & acceptable to invite people to the ceremony and evening do, or even just to the evening part. Nothing rude about it at all - everyone knows that weddings are expensive and this is a normal and good way to minimise the costs. If someone takes offence at not being included in the whole day that is their concern, not yours as you would have followed proper etiquette. Personally I would try to include people who have had to travel to get to the ceremony in the wedding breakfast, but that's my choice!
I think it depends how it is worded on your invite. And if there is somewhere for them to go while you have your meal. If you are in the middle of nowhere then it would be a bit awkward. Invited to reception, they have the option to join you are the ceremony, wedding breakfast is an intimate meal but you could recommend a pub.
I agree with your husband. I've never heard of anyone else doing this. it's normally come for all the day or just the reception.
Is your ceremony local to where they live? If so yes, fine. If not then a big No No.
I agree with you H2B also, I would be pretty offended and feel I was there to fill the church out a bit more.
At the end of the day it is your wedding but be aware some people will be less inclined to come if they have to make 2 trips. :)
We discussed this as it would have made things a good bit less expensive but knew people would be offended.
You just kind of have to bite the bullet and either pay for their meals or let them just come to the evening
I agree with your hubby to be.
Nothing says you're only there to make up numbers like missing them off the meal. I had this happen to me and a couple of friends once and I was really insulted and just didn't go at all
Where are the guests supposed to go in the meantime?? Think it’s a ridiculous idea personally
I agree with your h2b xx
Ive only known this to work if you have registry office weddings where the majority of the guests go home for a few hours while you have a small family meal and then an evening reception later with everyone attending. I wouldn't do this at a venue where the ceremony and reception both take place or if the guests have to travel more than 15 minutes
I've been invited to the ceremony but not the meal, then back in the evening, and I didn't attend the evening because I felt left out. I felt a bit like I was there to make up the numbers.
I think if the invites are for the evening reception and it is clearly put that they can feel free to come early to see the ceremony if they wish then it's fine
Sorry to say I agree with your hubby
Understandably it’s your day, if I was you I wouldn’t bother inviting them to the ceremony if they’re not coming for the breakfast/day.
I went to a couple of weddings where I was invited to the ceremony, not the breakfast, but back for the evening and to be honest I wouldn’t go if that was the case again.
You’re up and ready for the day and then dressed up for it all day and have a day to kill before the evening.
It’s lovely to see the ceremony but I think unless they’re having a place at the breakfast I would just send an evening invite x
I agree with your h2b I would think stuff you and not go at all x
I intend to do the same as you. We would like the wedding breakfast to be mainly family but will be inviting friends to join us at the ceremony and the evening reception. We are going to suggest a few local places they can go to in between. I’ve been to a few weddings and done this and not been offended and no one I was with seemed to be either.
We had people that were only invited to the evening that came to the church!! We had on our evening invites that everyone was welcome and people that travelled went to check into hotel and out for a meal xx
We are doing exactly this. My friend did it and I was honoured to actually get to see her marriage as well as the evening invite. I’m thinking of sending an evening invite with a note on saying all are welcome at the church ceremony to witness the marriage as well. Do what you want, you’ll always upset someone who feels they ought to get a full day invite and don’t! X
We have invited evening guests and out they are welcome at the ceremony if they want to come, that way it is their choice if they want to see us get married and return for the evening, or just celebrate with us in the evening.
My opinion is it’s rude and I’d be insulted if I was invited like that. If your at the ceremony then Your there all day if not just the evening
I just sent those people evening invites and I spoke to them face to face saying I hope you understand as much as we would love to have you with us all day we just can’t afford it but if you have the time to pop along to the ceremony it would mean a lot to us to see you there, and a number of people did, they came to the ceremony drifted off had their own pub lunches etc and came back to the evening, they had a nice day out as well as coming to the two separate bits of our wedding
It depends if it’s in a church or a separate venue from the reception. And where it is, like in town, or near shops and restaurants. Ours is all in one. So I am either inviting people to all or just evening. But can’t do it that way cos it would be unfair. And also is in the middle of nowhere. I’ve been to one in Bristol which was fine. But it was about 4/5 hours in between and their meal ran over. So it was hard to kill so much time
If you invite them to the ceremony they need to be invited to the wedding breakfast. It's called good manners
I agree with your h2b! You'll find people who want to see your ceremony in a church will go and stand at the back but as a hotel venue it seems silly. It's basically saying, can you keep the whole day free for us but wait around all afternoon then join us. 2 trips isn't fair
Maybe u could say if they'd like to join the breakfast put the price per person or as someone said suggest somewhere locally this is why we opted out of a wedding breakfast
I have to say it was always the norm to have everyone to the ceremony and then only select people to the meal and the others rejoin in the evening. It is only in more recent years that this began to die out as people have their weddings in one venue and not a church then moving on.
I think it depends on if the guests know the area, if there are places they can go for a few hours, or can they go home? If so then I don't see the problem in it and I do think the guests will understand. Buttt if the answer is no to the above then I think you should invite them to the whole day. As it's not fair for people to wonder around some where they don't know. Xx
I agree with your H2B, I think that’s a bit rude. I wouldn’t do that x
I agree with you. I wouldn't want certain people coming to the wedding at the breakfast. Just family. They should be happy to have received an invite at all. It's your day so do what makes you comfortable x
I’ve gotta agree with your partner.
I’d actually feel really embarrassed if I went to somebody’s ceremony and then I had to leave while everyone else goes off for dinner.
You’ve got yourself all dolled up then have to go home for a few hours then have to come all the way back again later still dolled up, I personally think that’s really cheeky and actually never heard of anyone ever doing that (my opinion).
I'm doing this. And I've been to weddings before where I've been invited to the reception and have the option of going to the ceremony. I'd always go to the ceremony! (Especially if theres a pub nearby for a nice meal and a pint!!) I know (and knew before I started planning my wedding) how expensive the breakfast is - you have to make choices on who can go otherwise you'd be feeding 200 people! However if your church or registry office is big enough why not invite them to that as well! Let's remember that the most special part of the day isn't the breakfast - it's the actual ceremony!
I think it would come across as really rude.
I agree with your HTB . Me and my HTB are still on the process of deciding weather to have a wedding breakfast or not . But we’re saving £6,000 if we go for evening buffet and we will just have a canapés after the church ceremony . I wouldn’t dream of inviting guest just to attend the ceremony and send them away to come back for the evening. It’s my honour for all the guest that made an effort to join us on our special day. That’s just my personal opinion. Xx
We got married in our village and so we did have some people come to the church and then not the wedding breakfast. But they were local and they could go home in between. I wouldn't think I would like to invite anyone to travel to the ceremony and then not invite them to the breakfast though. If you do it I would be super casual about it... send an evening invite but then pop them a phone call and just have a chat about it! Say how you would love them to see you be married but unfortunately the wedding breakfast has limited spaces and you are keeping it for family. Xx
We invited people to our evening reception, but put details of the ceremony & said that they were more than welcome to come to the ceremony, if they wanted :)
Either invite them for the whole thing or just the reception at night. You can't have them coming to the church then sending them away.
I agree with your H2B, it’s rude to invite them to the ceremony and then tell them the have to come back in the evening. If there not your “nearest and dearest” then they shouldn’t go to the ceremony if there not welcome for wedding breakfast x
The wedding is the most important part not the meal, if they are important enough for you to want them there to witness your marriage, why are they not important enough to have a meal with you??? I get where your coming from but it doesn't make sense...if anything you would want less people to the ceremony for the reasons your saying surely???
I'm with h2b am afraid, I would hate to have to get dressed for a wedding ceremony than have to go home n back for later, I've always either been invited to it all or just the evening but never ceremony, home then back
We did this and had no complaints, I have a big family and already had a wedding breakfast for 100 people, so we invited all our evening guests to the ceremony and the majority came and it was lovely!
We've also been to a wedding where this was the case and we just had a nice afternoon in the town then went back for the evening do!
I think If you invite them to the evening officially but then speaking to them you can mention they are more than welcome to come to the ceremony if they would like to see you actually get married but unfortunately you are very tight on numbers for your breakfast.
I agree with your H2B. If i got an invite then i would expect to go to reception.
Normally anyone can turn up at the ceremony uninvited
I think people who choose to not go to your wedding at all because they are insulted about you not being able to afford to be at the breakfast obviously don't care enough about you that much I'm they can't understand how much a wedding costs. You obviously are trying to balance having everyone involved again your budget which is totally understandable. It's childish of people to throw a paddy because you can't afford to pay for a 3 course meal for them.
I agree with your husband to be. It's either ceremony, breakfast and reception or just reception. What are the guests meant to do in between ceremony and reception?
I agree with your h2b, I think it’s rude to expect people to disappear for a few hours and then come back..
It depends. I was sent a away for a few hours for one wedding and a group of us went to the nearest pub for our food. People react differently tho.
We had evening guests ask about our ceremony as they wanted to see us get married they werent fussed that they aren't invited to the wedding breakfast as this is just family and close friends.
That’s exactly what we did for about 30-50 of our guests, they were roughly in groups who knew each other (so that no one on would have been on their own) and I had quite a few say how much they loved it, a chance to go to the pub and catch up, plus still enjoying the wedding and evening party. If you are able to give them info about a few suggested pubs for lunch then they have the choice whether to accept the invite or not
I agree with your h2b. Why not send your evening invites out with a little note giving the ceremony details and saying they are most welcome to join you for the ceremony. That way they can choose for themselves and you dont risk offending anybody
I would just put a note on the bottom of the evening invite that says you are more than welcome to attend the ceremony if you wish, have a fabulous wedding day xxx
I'm all for cutting but if someone invited me to just the ceremony and evening I'd probably not bother going x
You either invite them to the ENTIRE thing or just the evening, it absolutely is rude to say come to the ceremony, disappear for a few hours then come back again. I’ve never heard of this before, it’s so offensive.
I wouldn't invite them like that (it is a bot rude) but I would let the evening guests know they were most welcome to come to the ceremony (ours was in a church so open to everyone). Quite a few friends did
I'm with your h2b on this one
Invite to church & breakfast those you want there. Evening guests get their invite. If ceremony taking place in a church others could if they wish see ceremony & join you later in the day.
Me and my partner were invited to a ceremony then asked to wait around for 3 hours before attending the reception as they were having the wedding breakfast and speeches just close family, but it was in the middle of no where and a 40min drive from our home. We came home after the ceremony then didn't actually bother making the drive back out their for the reception!
I have been to a couple where I've been invited to the ceremony and then the evening and I will be doing the same for our wedding. In my opinion the ceremony is the most important part - in fact it's the whole point. Maybe it depends on the focus of the day? If the focus is a quick formalities ceremony then maybe people might not want to do both but for me (and this is just my opinion and I'm not saying it's right or wrong, everyone is different) I would always rather go to the ceremony and nothing else. If any of my guests have to choose I hope they choose the service - having a party afterwards is nice but actually the promises made and the public declaration of love (and in the presence of God for us) is the whole point and that is what we are celebrating.
Sorry but I have to agree with him I wouldn’t go if someone expected me to leave then come back later...
Sorry but I agree with your H2B. I’d be insulted to receive an invite of this nature. You could certainly put on your evening invites that should you wish to be at the ceremony you would be most welcome. A politer way of doing what you want possibly
I went to a wedding where i went to the ceremony and then the night party only. It was strange, i was put out initial as i didnt know before hand. If i had known it would have been fine
I've been to most weddings like this and this is exactly what we did. On our evening invites we simply put "unfortunately we are not able to afford to have everyone at our wedding breakfast but do hope you may be able to join us at the church to witness our marriage" my family were find and understanding but my hubbys family moaned but I put my foot down. They should understand you can't have everyone there and be happy to be invited to witness your marriage x
That's exactly how we've done our wedding!!
We have 42 family and bridal party for the whole day.
Another 60 invited to the evening. But when we started talking about the wedding at the beginning and explaining that it would only be a small wedding due to cost (my h2b is disabled waiting a lung transplant), our evening guests started asking if they would be ok to come to the church to see the wedding as well as coming for the evening celebrations. So many asked we decided to include on our official evening invites an invite to the chapel. Now almost everyone will be at the church!! Which is amazing! We feel so blessed to have everyone want to be there for the ceremony.
A few people have said it works better all round for them, come to church as a family. Go home have dinner with kids and settle them with a sitter and then the parents come back and party with us. WIN-WIN!
Our Evening Invite.
Why would you have someone at ceremony and then expect them to go home and come back in the evening? Usually people who are invited to ceremony come to whole thing? If they are not important enough to you for both then just invite to evening. It's confusing to them!!
I wouldn't purposefully invite people to just the ceremony & evening. For one, it might cause offence to some, or even worse, some people might get confused and just turn up for the wedding breakfast anyway!
(I recently went to a wedding where they invited everybody to the ceremony and evening, but only selected guests to the meal, and quite a number of people turned up at the venue expecting a meal and had to leave!)
I'd send them invites specifically for an evening party only, but maybe just add a note that they are more than welcome to attend the ceremony earlier in the day if they wish.
I've never even heard of this. I've only heard of evening invites and they would only be used to people you aren't that close too. Even though it saves money I don't like it at all
As a planner I see this lots of times. Rather than formally inviting evening guests to the wedding ceremony tell them when and where the ceremony will be and make it clear they are more than welcome to come and witness the moment if they wish. Make it sound like a fun, more the merrier. Keep it casual on the evening invitation. It’s also great for you because you won’t know exactly who will come to see you and it can be quite emotional when you spot someone.
You can change the words to suit
Unfortunately we are unable to invite all our friends and family to the wedding breakfast. But as the ceremony is the most important part of the day we wanted to let all of you that are invited to the evening reception that you are more than welcome to join us at the ceremony and then afterwards at the the evening reception.
It may be worth including a list of local restaurants/ hotels etc.
I don’t think it’s insulting but I have been to a wedding like this and it was horrendous. Mainly because this wasn’t communicated so a lot of people weren’t prepared. There were 2 venues in the middle of nowhere and there was no thought on how guests were actually going to get any food. There was about 15 of us that hunted village to village to find only 1 pub open. The pub obviously wasn’t expecting us so we had to wait 3hours before kitchen opened &ate! It had already been a long day!
All I would say is communicate your intentions in the invite & make sure places to eat are accessible xx your day, your way though x
I’d say your invited to the evening but your more then welcome to come to the ceremony as well if you wish to that way it’s their choice. I think it would be rude to invite people to the ceremony and miss them out the breakfast if they are travelling a distance to get there
Poor idea to invite to ceremony then not the reception...
I had considered doing this to save money but my mum flat out refused to let me and paid the extra for those people to be fed too. She said it was completely rude and that it was either all day or just reception - worked out well as we ended up having the whole day in the one venue.
In fact I actually asked people's opinions on here too.
We are getting married later in the day and then having a hog roast about 7/7:30 so that we are feeding everyone. So if someone I invite to the reception then asked to come to the ceremony it wouldn't be a problem as we are intending to feed them all and they wouldn't need to be sent away. We are having canapés in between the ceremony and the meal. X
I invited people to the church and the evening and people loved it. They got to see us get married (the most important part of the day) and then came back for the evening party. I have also done this at others weddings and it's great as I went home freshened up had some dinner and went back to party with the bride and groom
Just do evening invites but put a little note to say that people are more than welcome to come and watch the ceremony at the church if they wish
We did that exact thing and it was lovely - out guests were fine and lots did come to both!
I agree with your h2b. Either just invite them to the whole day or just the evening. I for one wouldn't want to pay out for outfits etc then have to go home then come back at night. Only invite to the ceremony those that are coming for the meal. That way you are not insulting your guests.
agree with hb2b if they want to see the ceremony they can go anyway anyone can go into see someone gt married.xx
If friends want to watch you get married and know they are only invited to the evening reception that is up to them. As I will be in that situation next year. We can't asked everyone to the wedding breakfast but some of my friends want to see me get wed. Only problem is we getting married in the Hotel so if they want to pop in that's fine.
I don't think it's fair to invite people to the ceremony and not to the breakfast. I personally wouldn't go and would only go for the evening. I have a young child and would find it difficult to plan my day around two trips to the same place, not to mention more offended than if I had just received an evening invite. Sorry but I agree with your H2B. The ceremony is for your nearest and dearest, I find it backwards that you would want them there but not at the meal. It's your choice though but be prepared that some people may be offended.
I think it's rude like your htb. If I was invited I wouldn't go and would make a point of telling you why
I fully agree with your husband
I think it would be extremely rude to invite guests to the ceremony but then tell them they aren’t allowed to the wedding breakfast
I get that you want to save money
But I think you need to only have people at the ceremony if you are also gunna have them come to the wedding breakfast.
I personally wouldn’t go to a wedding if I was told I had to leave for a few hours in between parts of it
invite to the evening and say if they would like to attend the church it would be lovely?