Wedding Forum - ....

.

On fb messenger you can see how long ago someone was active on there.

She sounds like a stress you don't need. Personally I'd tell her why you're concerned and that you need someone who is reliable and therefore unless she can commit fully you will be asking her to step down.

You have been such a wonderful, kind, generous and patient friend to her. It sounds though as if if has been almost (not all though) fairly one-sided. I know you didn't want re-paying for your help and generosity, but it seems like the hand of friendship is not completely mutual. I know she mentions body dysmorphia, and she may also be displaying other psychological issues, but for the ONE time you are needing reliability and friendship from her, it's not there.

I'm almost certain there's nothing wrong with her Facebook Messenger - there's also so many other ways of communicating too. She is shutting you (and maybe other people) out. Could you keep her on your invitation list without having her as a bridesmaid? I would mention that you struggle to contact her, and in the run up to your wedding, you need to be able to get hold of people, and for you also to be able to count on them.

It's sounds like you have always been kind and considerate to her feelings, but I do think at this moment in time, a bit of straight talking is needed xx

This sounds like a really tough one - could it be dysmorphic disorder that has changed her and created all these issues? It's probably really tough to put yourself in her shoes and understand how she's feeling, I'd say her behaviour could be a sign of the disorder. Maybe she feels embarrassed that you've helped her so much and she's still unhappy, maybe all her confidence has just gone and she's trying to hide herself away and push those closest to her away. It's not as if she's done something that is out and out wrong or deliberately tried to ruin your friendship so I think it's a tough one.

I think GF's suggestion is good about writing her a letter. Hopefully it will help get through to her xx

Its such a tricky situation as she is obviously struggling but you need her help and support too.
can you not call her if her messages aren't getting through. it might cost you in the phone bitt but at least then the contact is made and you can talk about it and find out what's bothering her. it may be that with everything going on she is frightened of being a bridesmaid as its a big responsibility and can be very daunting but also doesn't want to let you down by not doing it which is why she has 'removed herself from the situation' completely so to hide away from it. (going to Rhodes may be a coping technique for her by getting away from everything)

with everything that you have done to support her it would be lovely to see her give that support back to you now you need it but I think there's more to this than meets the eye and it may not be so easy for her to support you as she needs to support herself.

Just speak to her and let her know your concerns. I also think that the deadline for measurements is a good idea as it gives her a deadline to decide what she wants to do and if she doesn't then just make sure that there's no hard feelings about it with either of you. This doesn't have to be the end of your friendship if she decides not to be a bridesmaid xx

Mental illness is a difficult issue, and probably she hasn't recovered yet, as it can take years. If she still has problems with body dysmorphic disorder then I can imagine that trying on dresses with other people around might be her worst nightmare. Even thinking about measurements might be too much. Maybe contacting her about something totally unrelated might work, or it may be that you have to let her contact you, as she might be associating you with her lowest point and contact with you might bring back the memories of how bad she felt. You have been an amazing friend and she's lucky to have you, but it may be that she is still not in a place where she is able to express her appreciation. There could be other issues going on as well, like depression. She's had a lot of changes recently including a break-up. Maybe she also finds it hard dealing with wedding things if it reminds her that she is no longer in a relationship. It may be that she could still be a bridesmaid but that someone else takes over chief bridesmaid, as it sounds like she might not be reliable, through no fault of her own. As for the dress, could you estimate based on what sizes she normally wears, and get alterations done later? You'll may well need alterations done anyway. Maybe if you can give her the dress to try on in private she might be better able to face doing it.

i was like this last year with my cousin (MOH) and talked with her and she was adimant she wanted to do it, she was a pain the whole time, all i requested was that she pay for her dress (only £50 and £20 for her daughters, my mum paid £80 for mine for her wedding plus £30 for shoes £20 for shoes to by dyed correct colour and £30 for dress to be altered) i bought her shoes my mum altered the dress, paid for hair, and she turned up to my sten do for the meal and left 5 mins into the evening portion, and was difficult the whole time to me and my other bridesmaids.

I found out the day after 2 days previous to the wedding she had said to my mum that she quit and my mum told her stright she was not doing that to me :(
wish she had then i would not of had to deal with her drama and it would of been her letting me down not my fireing her, had been wanting to fire her for months before but because she was family and was close felt i couldn't.

if its not working don't hold your breath that things will change.
some friends are there for a reason or a season. but not for life.