Wedding Forum - Best Man/Bridesmaid Dilemma - Need Advice...

So uncalled for. How is it fair for him to bring his oh but not her? I think he needs to be told to grow up, that it isn't his wedding and he doesn't have a say in who gets invited. If he values his friendship with your oh he will be a bigger man and stand by his side. By the way I'm 21st may 2016!

He needs to grow up and get over it in my opinion, especially seeing as though they've now been separated for 2 and a half years and he's got a new girlfriend now anyway! I don't understand why he seemingly doesn't have a problem with her being there, but he does with him being there... what difference does it make?!

If the friendship means as much to the best man as it does to your OH, then he would not cause a drama over this. He would put aside his personal feelings and troubles in order to ensure that his best friend has the happiest and best day of his life.

I would continue to invite the bridesmaid's partner.. if you've already invited him you can't really then go and take the invitation away. I am planning on inviting all my bridesmaid's partners too if they have any by that time.

That's very rude of him, what's ok with one but not ok with another. How can he think it's ok for his oh to be there but not hers? He's acting like he is still in the playground.

Thank you for all of your replies, they are all really helpful and I am glad I am not the only one who thinks he is in the wrong. The problem is that the BM believes that my best friends OH stole her from him - it's not true as she had been trying to leave him for ages, but he refuses to accept that. What has confused me even more though, is that he has since mentioned that we could uninvite his OH as a compromise if we uninvited my best friends OH! I couldn't possibly do that though as she is a friend who will be attending my hen do (I gave my bridesmaid a heads up and she has no problem with that whatsoever), so to uninvite her to the main event would be downright rude and I'm not sure what he was thinking... I can't imagine being in her shoes when he is acting like this over an ex.

I have been talking to my family about this also and we have decided that we are not going to be uninviting anyone as it is not his place to dictate to us. My fathers parents are divorced, and his father and step-mother did not turn up to their wedding as a result of his mother and step-father being there. My parents said they were very upset about this as they thought it selfish and childish for a father to not support his son on his wedding day, regardless of what happened in the past, so they have said they will not accept the best man (who is meant to be the best friend) pulling out of our wedding over a relationship where the two parties weren't even married or living together.

We will be talking to my family again tonight where I am hoping we can convince my OH to put his foot down when it comes to his BM. He doesn't want to lose his BM and it sounds as if he is being a bit of a pushover at the moment. We've had a few arguments about it so I need my family as backup, and his too preferably. I am concerned that my OH values the friendship a lot more than his BM does if his BM is prepared to not attend his 'best friends' wedding. To be honest, because of the way he has been acting, I have become slightly concerned that the BM wants to try and get my bridesmaid on her own on the day so he can talk to her... Knowing both of them, it would not end well and would most likely ruin the day for the both of them if not the day in general. In which case I would rather she have her OH there, and he have his OH there, so as to avoid that possibility altogether. It should be a big enough wedding that they won't need to interact, and I'm going to make sure that they walk up the aisle separately and are seated on different tables at the reception.

Again, thank you all so much for your responses and advice. I am really glad I have found this site! Trying to find similar situations and how people have dealt with it is tricky. And Danielle, the week before me, that's so exciting!

How dare he dictate who you can or can not have at your wedding? he will look an utter FOOL if he doesn't turn up for this reason. Does his current girlfriend know? I'd be mortified in her position. The guy needs to let it go, seriously.

Just tell him you're sick of discussing it and he is ruining what is supposed to be a happy time and that he has NO say who you invite to your wedding. If he insists he isn't coming, then I'm afraid you will just have to accept that. I would never let ANYONE hold me to emotional ransom and he would be getting told this as well. He is doing nothing but embarrassing himself.

I feel sorry for the best man's new OH as well as it seems like he's clearly still carrying a torch for your mate!

I hope you manage to sort it out, he's being a total d**k. xx

How stupid of him does he know what a prat he is being and his poor new girlfriend clearly he is not 100% on her. Hope it works out for you as its a stress you dont need

Thank you all for your advice! I am definitely very tempted to slap him, not for my sake but for his OH's. However, I am not going to get involved in that... It's not my place.

Definitely not going to let him do this though, this morning my bridesmaid offered to pay for my makeup and all the bridesmaids, which is incredibly generous of her and something she did not need to do. I'm therefore not even going to mention this whole saga to her or her OH because it is just wrong and I don't want to involve them in something that should never have been a problem in the first place.

If the BM doesn't value his friendship with my OH enough to be there for him on his wedding day, regardless of anything that happened in the past, then I don't think I want him there to be honest. My opinion of him has dropped as a result of this anyway.

Glad your holding your ground. He has no right to even suggest it.
People should be grown up to put there differences to one side for your day. My uncle and his ex wife are both attending my wedding even though it was a bitter break up. He is bringing his not so new partner and she is bringing their grown up daughter. They have said they can be civil for the day.

What a twit asking you to uninvite his ex's OH. How dare he. Ask him the real reason he wants her there on her own...I bet it's becuase he wants her back and really he is stringing along this other poor girl who is going to end up heart broken. It has nothing to do with him being pissed off. My ex threw a few punches, as a result i fell through a glass door and was hospitalised while I had surgery and then he cheated with someone I thought was my best friend. If we kept the same circle of friends (we don't but if we did) and we were both invited to a weding I would go but ask that we were seated at opposite ends of the room only to save him from getting his teeth knocked out. I wouldn't deliver ultimatums no way. And get your OH told also to grow a pair and deliver the ultimatum to his BM that he can suck it up or decline his role and he has 48 hours to decide so he can arrange a replacement if need be

Glad you are standing your ground. Its not his wedding to be making demands like that. Personally if he was someone I knew I would tell him to man up and get over it. I had a very bitter break up with my ex. We had been together 4 years and during this something happened in my family which changed me as a person and he didn't like it so our relationship fell apart. Very shortly after I met my now fiancé and my ex didn't like that one bit and went from a really nice guy to a complete a-pot that I ended up choosing to be homeless than live under the same roof anymore... anyway I digress, a few months later a mutual friend of ours got married and we were both invited and I was allowed to take my new boyfriend (said fiancé) and you know what? nothing bad happened! We all enjoyed our night and we even briefly said hi. The end.