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  1.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hey all,

    Need you opinions please,sorry about this being an essay but i need to explain it all fully

    ok so Friday night was the night before my hen weekend away, i got a text from a friend (a close friend who chose not to come)saying "hope you have a lovely hen w/e x",
    i typed back Thankyou cant wait for the night out too!
    so then she sent me back a message saying "thankyou for the invite X" i wasn't sure what she meant by it as she sent the text again a few min later,
    (i had previously about a year ago, said to her, that i was going to organise a spa day, would she want to come if i did, she had said no as she doesn't like swimming, hasn't been for years, not even taken kids swimming and spa just isnt her, i understood this and was fine with it,and said we are having a pub hen do too, so this one might suit her more)
    so i was like" i did speak to you about this last year before i even organised anything/place in particular, your still ok with it arnt you?

    to that, i get a text back saying " you havnt even invited me, i knew nothing about it, you didnt even mention it to me" you didnt even bring it up when you were with me,
    i was a little taken back as i was like, i would never ever leave her out intentionally,i hadnt mentioned it as it hadnt come up, its not like i was trying to hide it from her because as far as i was concerned she didnt want to come,( she wouldn't have ever come as it deffo isnt her thing)

    so i was getting really upset,and crying my eyes out, i was trying to explain myself,by text, this was all the night before my hen do at 9pm in the evening!!

    she then wrote back "TERESA im not going to argue with you about this, i overheard one of your friends talking about it and sh** stirring a couple of moths ago, making sure i heard them! and ive been waiting for you to say something and invite me! im just hurt thats all!

    by this time i was in a right state, and even questioning myself about if i did say anything ( im 100% sure i did) i know she wouldn't come but i understand her principle matter is that she feels she wasn't invited even though she wouldn't have needed to be as the discussion before it was organised, meant she wouldn't be on the invite list anyway as i already knew she didn't want to come,

    anyway i went on and on trying to explain myself,and she wasn't talking back to me, so my last text was, i guess your not talking to me now!) sad face with tears emoticon)

    was talking it over with H2b and he was going to ring her but i was in such a state i was worried that he was going to tell her to not bother coming to the wedding, bearing in mind its only 5 weeks away and my hen night round the pubs is 2 weeks away!

    he decided to send her a text as i was so worried, he explained firstly, he thought that it was unfair to wait till now to send a text and upset me the night before my hen w/e and that if she knew 2 months ago, why didn't she just sit and discuss it with me then, he also said that she should know me as her friend much better than that and know i wouldn't ever ever do that to her on purpose and hide it from her which i didn't and never would) im not that type of person,

    she just wrote back "what do you think ive been doing" (i assume being upset as we wernt sure what it meant)she just reiterated about the friend making sure she heard the conversation so that she knew she was being left out,she also said she knows its not like me (which also confused us as to why she didnt just chat to me about it) she also said she stopped talking to me as she didnt want to argue, not for any other reason!
    i was so confused as i only had 10 friends/family coming 3 of those were friends, the rest my family,and none of them would intentionally go and say that and cause trouble.

    H2B wrote back what friend was it? and said that we needed to sort this out as the wedding is so close and that to do that we need to talk.

    she wrote back "tell Teresa to not worry about it and to enjoy her hen." (no mention of said friend)

    he didn't write anything back as he didn't know what to say!

    i spent the rest of the night in bed crying and not sleeping :( felt really awful.

    my dilemma is what do i do?

    i went from being really upset to the next day being angry about it, i asked everyone on my hen if they had said anything to her (bearing in mind half of them dont even know her to talk to like that)
    no one had, and they were clueless,
    the page we set up to invite people was private and no one else knew as i didn't want loads coming on this one, as it could get to lengthy as people needed spa treatments that took an hour,
    so i kept it small,invited all my female family and a few close friends

    i really dont know how to handle it from here, im feeling hurt but know she thinks she has been kept in the dark on purpose, im really sad that she thinks as her friend, i would do that to her, im questioning our friendship now and my wedding is 5 weeks away and she is supposed to be coming,

    i even went as far as asking all the hen party not to post things on the book of face as some of my other friends might think they should have been invited and kick off too! i cant invite everyone! and i have one for everyone in 2 weeks, but have felt ive had to hide this one now!

    due to worrying about upsetting other people, its spoilt the feeling of it and the enjoyment of it :(

    please help me :( be honest
  2.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
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    Aww I really feel for you Teresa. To be honest I think your friend is being unfair. You've said that you invited her so she has no reason to say those things to you. Especially the night before your hen. Personally I'd just leave her be. If she wanted to come then she should have spoken to you earlier about it and not waited to tell you what she thought.
    Don't let her upset you or ruin your plans. It's one day that won't happen again so enjoy. *big hugs* xx

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  3.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
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    I think your friend is being extremely petty and making it all about her when it's not - it's about you. It was your hen, you know you consulted her about it so you have nothing to feel bad about, From the sounds of it she has been invited on a night out anyway so it's not as if she has been left out or completely forgotten about.. she should be privileged to be a part of your day and your hen part 2 and should not be causing such a drama - especially not the night before your hen weekend!!

    I would leave it as it is for now and wait for her to make the next move. If she wants to act like an adult and get over it then she will be at your wedding and sharing your special day with you x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  4.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think she's behaved like a child. To do that when she did was just ridiculous. Why pick a fight the day before your hen weekend and try and ruin it for you?

    I would leave her to it. You've explained yourself and you're perfectly in the right. When she already said she wouldn't go, why would you then invite her? It's like, I have a great aunt who my mum wants me to invite to the wedding but she's kind of a cow-bag and I know she won't go, so I'm not inviting her because she WILL decline, so what is the point??

    Let her sort herself out. Maybe if you ignore her for a bit she'll realise what a twit she's been and apologise! xx
  5.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thankyou ladies, you are all being reassuring, im always the one to ponder to people, this time, im gonna leave it, she can realise what a crap friend she has been to me and how much she has hurt me!
  6.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
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      edited
     
    Personally, what it sounds like to me is that yes you did offer it to her ages ago, she's declined saying it's not for her, then nearer the time she was regretting it and wanting to be part of it, using the excuse of a friend making sure she overheard an excuse, then when asked who it was she cannot say as its not real. That's how I see it anyway

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  7.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
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    GF

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  8.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
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    we did wonder if she was making that bit up?
    she wouldn't change her mind, she hates swimming, unless she really wanted to! i dont think she even owns a costume,
    i think this is all about her feeling she has been hard done by, i just cant be doing with the drama, its really upset me, i just dont have the energy to cope with it!
  9.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thats pretty poor for your friend to be annoyed. Even if she wasn't invited (which clearly she was) normal people wouldn't say anything because they're polite enough to understand we can't all be invited to everything. I agree to leave her be for a while and see if she comes to the pub in a few wks for your second one.

    More importantly, I hope you had a lovely time with the people that did go to the spa and this friend didn't overshadow it too much x
  10.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
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    She could of just stood at the end of the pool or even just laid on a sun lounger or something whilst you went in so she wouldn't be left out if she doesn't like swimming x

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  11.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    She still hasn't contacted me and I don't know what to ? I don't. Know weather to just text her saying! "We need to try and sort this out" I just am hurting so much but need it to be sorted as she meant to be coming to me hen night next sat and wedding in 4 weeks advice please xxx
  12.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    She might have forgotten ur conversation or thought u would have asked her again, but either way she out of order for doing it night before u went! Maybe just text and say I still feel bad for the miscommunication and as far as I was aware I had invited you and you declined so didnt feel the need to re mention it but realise you feel let out so wondered if you wanted to do something just us two? That way u are making effort to include her in something and she can't feel left out even though she chose not to get involved in the spa day. Hope ur feeling better and don't let it get u down Hun x
  13.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
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    I like MrsC2bee's idea. Offer her an olive branch for the two of you to do something (even just coffee) and make amends. If she declines the offer, you know where you stand. X
  14.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
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    Sorry to hear you're having this grief, hope it gets sorted very soon xx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  15.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
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    Sorry to hear you had all this the night before the hen :(

    I don't understand why some people behave like this, I would never want to upset a friend like that before they were due to be having a lovely weekend.


    I hope it is sorted soon. Did you enjoy the spa weekend?




  16.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
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    I don't think it's up to you to even make the first move.. she's the one who was out of order and she should be the one offering YOU an olive branch! But I appreciate you want to rescue your friendship, so suggesting you meet up and do something just the two of you is a good idea :)

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  17.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i did have a lovely time thankyou Donna, it was really lovely,even though i had the big black cloud of what had happened hanging over me :(
  18.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    UPDATE :....

    so today i decided i had left it long enough time, I decided to text my friend, this is what i wrote :- (sent at 8.50 this morning)

    Can we sort this out please?we haven't spoken for over a week, its making me sad and upset, i don't want to be this stressed this close to my wedding, please know i would never hurt you on purpose, your one of my longest friends and you know me better than this, text me please.


    I haven't heard anything back, i dunno what to do now,do i text again saying, something like, i guess you dont want to sort this out? or something along those lines, i really don't know? its breaking my heart, we have been friends for years, i really thought she would know i wouldn't hurt her like this, i just feel so sad and confused, silence id difficult to read?

    why? why? why? does this have to be happening now ;(
  19.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Aw Teresa that is horrible. Can't believe your friend did that knowing it would ruin your hen for you. It should have been up to her to text you 1st. She's had plenty of time to think that she should not have done that in the run up to your wedding. You should be enjoying every second and not stressing over that. I think you have more than done your piece now you have made your feelings to her very clear. I would wait for her reply. If she's a true friend she will make it up before your wedding. It's very petty of her to be honest. Hugs.

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  20.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
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    Personally I would leave it now and just wait until she contacts you x
  21.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with the above let her make the next move now, I personally wouldn't of even messaged her in the first place she is in the wrong.
    I'm going through a similar issue but with a bridesmaid and I'm just ignoring her now I don't really care, it's my day and I'm I can't be dealing with anyone stressing me out even more then I already am!
    Xxx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  22.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You've done everything you can now, if she doesn't want to be grown up about it there's unfortunately nothing you can do. She is in the wrong, and MrsC2Bee and Danielle are right I think. She needs to just be left to it.

    Is she one of those people where when she thinks that she's been "wronged" she needs the other person to grovel? She's probably waiting for a few more texts before doing anything about it. But longest friends aren't always the best friends, and sometimes people part ways for a reason. :(

    I hope she comes to her senses! xx
  23.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks all, I have sent one last text, now I know here is nothing else I can do apart from let her decide what happens next : -text reads ... does this mean you don't wNt to sort is out?are you choosing to fall out with me, I'm sorry if you think I've done all this yo you on purpose,but please know I haven't ,I would never do this to you,we were discussing what I was gonna be doing over a year ago now and when I said about a poss doing a spa day, you said you would give it a miss ad you dont go swimming and it's not your thing,so when it came to when I decided where I wanted to goad had a named place, I didn't say anything as you already expressed that you wouldn't go,so why would I invite you,it wasn't out of maliciousness or anything that you think I may have done to keep it from you,we only discussed my hen night at the pub a couple of weeks ago,and hadn't discussed it loads,I don't know what to do apart from explain myself when I know I haven't done this to hurt you on purpose but you think I have,i really want to sort this out,I really want you there on my big day, your really special to me and my day won't be the same without you there but To have you there we need to be able to sort this out, we can't just leave this ;(
  24.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think you've said enough Teresa. she's clearly just making excuses and being petty - I have no doubt that she has probably just changed her mind as GF said and now she's trying to stick the boot in and make you sad and unhappy - what sort of friends do that? Just wait and see if she replies and if she doesn't I think you might be better off without her. Its going to be hard but do you want people like that around you? Especially if shes felt this way for the past few months? Surely she would've said something then? I know I would of.

    **hugs** xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  25.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
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    To be honest, if she does not contact you now and is not willing to sort this out, it's showing her true colours I'm afraid.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  26.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
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    I would have just left it after the first message.. and to be honest I'm not sure I would have even sent her that!

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    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  27.  
    • EmmaH444
      CommentAuthorEmmaH444
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    I think it's up to her now, she's being childish. I know it's hard but there's nothing more you can do. x

    Members signature icon
    Met 29/3/2006
    Engaged 24/8/13
    Married 26th August 2016
  28.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
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      edited
     
    I agree with flossie I don't think she deserved either message and she hasn't replied to the first one which shows she's being very immature. She needs to apologise to you not the other way around xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  29.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  30.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
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    Thanks for your support ladies, its breaking my heart :( but maybe i need to wake up and smell the coffee and realise she isnt that bothered about me at all, its obviously all about her :(
  31.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
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    Sending hugs. This sounds horrible but. All you can do is wait for her to make the next move. And if she doesn't it shows she doesn't care like you do. And to say it before your hen.. I am so sorry!! X

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  32.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
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    I agree I wouldn't have text but if it puts your mind at ease that you have done all you can then it was right to do. Please don't let her ruin the run up to your big day. If she really cared she would have replied after 1st message or actually she would have reached out to you first.

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  33.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
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    If she'd rather act like a child and make it all about her, rather than supporting you on your special day then I think that shows what kind of friend she really is. Hugs xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  34.  
    • EmmaG
      CommentAuthorEmmaG
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    if she hasn't text you back by now saying that she is sorry too and wants to sort things out, I would forget her and move on.. she not worth it.. not nice ignoring you.. its cruel... she not a great friend who cares about you . be strong and tell her to do one ! good luck, hope you ok x

    Members signature icon
    Soooooo excited to be marrying my Best Friend !!
    Life is Wild, Love it Live it !

  35.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
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    Does she just expect to ignore you now then turn up in your wedding day like everything is ok?

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  36.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
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    shes being so immature, why would she do that before your hen do? She has done that with real intent to put a downer on your hen do and make you feel bad, knowing fine well this could ruin your day/weekend. my inlaws practically had me infront of a firing line the night before my hen do, about how horrible and selfish i am, then had the gall to actually turn up to the weekend thinking all was ok!! I can sympathise, some people are just so selfish they put a real dampener on my hen do too

    If she still hasnt responded just leave it, she is either being a brat and so pig headed she can't see what she has done wrong, or she knows fine well what she has caused and she can't think of anything to say, because i guess, sorry is too hard!!

    That being said, alot can be lost in translation over text. You could probably do with sorting this out face to face before your wedding otherwise youre just gunna be miserable by the sounds of it

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  37.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
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    good question Danielle? she wont though as h2b will sort that out as we have things to sort before, the table plan is already made and might have to be sorted again, i dont know weather we get money back or have to find replacements but this late in the day is quite tricky especially when your kept in the dark :( its 4 adults and 2 children and its 270 pounds to potentially loose :(
  38.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
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    Velcro this is what ive been trying to do,at least if she responds we can meet and talk it over, im at the stage now where it hurts like hell but ive got to look after myself too! ive been ill too! which doesn't help,
    ive got to enjoy this time as ill never get it back again, so the sun may shine but there will always be a big black cloud over hanging but ive gotta let the sun shine through otherwise it will ruin my day, and im not letting that happen, ive waited 16 years for this and if she don't care enough now, she never will and people like this don't have a place in my future let alone my wedding day!
  39.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
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    Id be seriously questioning our friendship, if that was one of my closest friends they would just ASK about it and all would be sorted with a qucik oh crap i thought we had discussed this already *sorts out like adults*

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  40.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
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    yes thats what i thought, maybe she doesn't know me like i thought she did, as im not the sort of person to be that horrid, i always treat others as i wish to be treated, its a shame they dont do the same, this world is a horrid place sometimes, i always learn the hard way, maybe i need to toughen up but it just isnt me! though!
  41.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
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    You e tried to be the bigger person here, if she is not replying to you then really she's not worth the effort. I'd bet your bottom dollar she would still turn up on your wedding day though. Very spiteful thing to do if she does

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  42.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
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    f she doesnt talk to me in next few days, she wont be welcome, we cant just leave it and then she still expect to turn up like nothing has happened!
    i couldn't that to someone!
  43.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
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    Maybe leave it for a week before the wedding, if she's not bothered then send a text to say as you've not bothered replying to any texts sent, then you take it they shall not be attending the wedding anymore. Then leave it at that. She needs to remember she's no longer in the school playground.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  44.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
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    I think the least she could do is reply to you and confirm whether or not they're still coming to the wedding. Some people are so rude!!

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  45.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
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    Ahh Teresa, I'm so sorry to hear you've been having such a hard time and I know her friendship obviously means a lot to you and that's why you've been the bigger person and sent her messages to try and resolve things but in keeping with what most people have said, it may mean that you ate no longer able to continue as friends or at least not at the moment.

    If she valued your friendship as much as you clearly value hers then there would have been some response. Weddings bring out the best and worst in people and lets not forget you only get this one day, this one day to share your joy and love with all the people that are nearest and dearest to you. Anyone that cares about your would do their best to make the experience special for you and not bring you down.

    Maybe in the future when you're enjoying wedded bliss she may come along and play an integral part of your life again but for right now you really do need to minimise stress and that may mean closing the door on her for now. Different people come in and out of our lives at different stages and we can learn from them all but please please don't keep this going when you're getting nothing out of this other then tears and stress. Enjoy this time, you wont get to again. Wish you all the best XOXO




  46.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
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    Has she still not replied? I don't no what's worse, what she done in the first place or the fact that she's not replying. It was very obvious by your messages that you are very upset and quite distressed by this situation and it doesn't bother her enough to reply? If I ever thought I made my friend feel that way I would be bending over backwards to make it up to her let alone in the run up to your wedding. At this stage I think I would assumed she's not coming and enjoy the plans without her. As much as it may hurt you will never get these weeks back.

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  47.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    update ...

    on Friday when i got in from work i received a card in the post, it was form her, here is what it said :-

    To Teresa,
    I am writing you letter because i don't want an argument over text. I didn't mean to upset you or seem bitchy in anyway but i feel very hurt and disappointed about the whole situation of how ive been treated to do with your hen weekend... its not about the fact i wasn't invited to it, its about how its been hid from me...I feel like we have been friends for so long that i see you as not only my best friend but also like a sister and feel very hurt that you felt that you couldn't even mention it to me, surely you know me well enough to know that i wouldn't get funny with you or be angry about it.I just want you as my closest friend to enjoy every aspect of your special day however you decide to spend it. I now feel very awkward about it all and i know that people would have been talking about me,so we feel that its best not to put our family through an awkward situation, so therefore think its best to stay away, but send you all our love on your special day and hope you kelvin and the kids have an amazing day, you all deserve it all our love and best wishes (names withheld) XXX
  48.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
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      edited
     
    HOW BLOODY SELFISH OF HER!!!

    "We feel that its best not to put our family through an awkward situation"?!?! It's not about her family or how awkward they may feel.. it's about her BEST FRIEND'S wedding!!! She needs to get over herself and get her priorities straight!!

    You've gone and above and beyond to sort it out - and it wasn't even up to you to do that. And she still throws it back in your face like that?!

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  49.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh my god, I cannot believe that. It's all about her isn't it?

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  50.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
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    I also think writing that in a letter is the coward's way out. You at least deserve an explanation to your face.

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
 

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