Wedding Forum - Our 2/8/14 re-cap :-)...

The planning:

The first thing we did was set the date. Initially we’d thought it would be in 2015/2016, but after my parents offered to contribute we set the date for 2nd August 2014. That gave us enough time to save for our part of the contribution, and also time to fit planning in around my post-grad studies and part-time jobs, without it being too stressful.

The next thing we sorted was the venue. We short-listed about a dozen, after I looked at dozens online, and set up appointments. We actually nearly didn’t view our venue as we didn’t think it was what we wanted (town centre, boutique hotel with no grounds; we figured we’d get married in a country house hotel with sprawling grounds); my parents persuaded us as they’d been to a wedding there, and boy am I glad I went! I fell in love, and my OH came with me for a second viewing and felt the same. A couple of months later, after drawing up the contracts carefully because it was so far in advance, we booked: Here it is; The Forbury Hotel, Reading:







(Yes, it even had a private cinema! We used that for a slide-show on the day)



It was just perfect for us, and the best bit was we had exclusive use of the whole hotel inc the bedrooms, which was really important to us, and which on the day proved very useful as it meant we could really spread out and use all the different areas.

Love reading this!! More please :D x

The rings:

My original engagement ring was from H 5amuel. I'd been searching for the perfect ring for ages, as, after 5 years together engagement was definitely on the cards! But, I couldn't find my 'dream' ring anywhere, until I stumbled across it on their website. Unfortunately, because the proposal happened quite quickly, neither of us had taken time to really research metals/diamonds etc, and I ended up wishing we'd had it made in platinum... So, that's what we did! We had it custom made by a company in London in platinum, with high-quality diamonds. The result was stunning, and my OH gave it to me while on a romantic break in London for our 'negative one year anniversary' on Friday 2nd August 2013. Here they both are:

Original ring:



New ring:



Then came the wedding ring. My engagement ring is an awkward shape so unless I wanted a HUGE gap (I didn't), it was going to have to be another custom job. We ended up having it made by the same company at the same time that they cast my engagement ring. Originally I had it made to sit flush, but at the last minute (a few months before the wedding) I had a change of heart, and ended up having them recast it so that there was a slight gap. My wedding band is a curved platinum band with 0.16ct of tiny pave-set diamonds, and here are both rings together:



Then of course we needed to get my OH's ring. He knew he wanted either palladium or platinum as he wanted a 'pure' white metal that wouldn't change colour, but beyond that, he wasn't sure. He tried on numerous thicknesses, weights and styles, and eventually settled on a 6mm platinum court-shaped ring from the same company that made my rings. It's a beautiful ring, and weighs a ton!:

Really enjoying reading this :)

The music:

My whole family is big into music, as is my OH and many of our friends and family. So, this was a big thing for us, and again a lot of time and effort went into it: not just choosing musicians, but also carefully selecting the pieces/tracks that we wanted; I must have spent hours pouring over playlists and listening to string trio versions of umpteen different songs lol.

In the end, we opted for a string trio to play before the ceremony and during the ceremony, and then during the drinks reception; an acoustic guitarist/signer to kick off the evening celebrations and play during the band's break; a live band to play from the first dance through til about 11pm; and then a DJ to finish things off, playing from 11.15pm-1.30am.

For us, the music made it; all the musicians were excellent (including my brother who played a few tracks, including one of my all time favourites Free Bird), and everyone had a blast. We even had people dancing and singing at just 2.30pm during the drinks reception, where I proposed a toast to my dad and had the string trip play 'When I'm 64' to celebrate his 64th birthday, which was that day; here's a photo of my dad the moment they started playing:

The flowers:

I didn't think I'd be too fussy about the flowers, and to be honest, it proved to be one of the least stressful and time-consuming parts of wedding planning. I knew the kind of look I wanted (understated, classic elegance) and the colours (cream/ivory); the only thing was I'd wanted peonies, but they were out of season, so ended up going with a mixture of roses and hydrangeas in cream and subtle blush pink for the hand-tied bouquets, a rose for my OH's button-hole and orchids for the groomsmen's and dads' button-holes, roses and orchids for the mums' corsages, and then large fishbowls with posies of roses and hydrangeas for our 3 large round tables, and smaller fishbowls filled with hydrangeas down the length of our longer, narrower tables. Here are the bouquets and button-holes:








The florist was great: she understood exactly what we wanted and they came out exactly like my inspiration pictures :-)

Glad you're enjoying it ladies! :-)

The groom's outfit:

We knew from the word go that we weren't going to rent OH's suit; we wanted something that would fit perfectly and be exactly what we wanted, and knew we wouldn't get either as a rental. We also weren't fussed about the men wearing matching suits, which made things easier.

Getting his outfit actually turned out to be way more involved than mine! I guessed it wouldn't be easy, as he's VERY fussy (whereas I just tried 5 dresses on, was like 'Love the style of this one, it feels right, it fits perfectly; sorted'; no regrets, no stress, no heartache!); but wow, it was tougher than I thought! And he left it VERY late (4 months before) which I was not best pleased about...

We hit a major shopping centre in London and went to every. single. store. The budget was £800 for either one grey lounge suit, or, if possible, a decent lounge suit as well as a dinner suit. We must have looked at dozens of suits, and he tried a couple of dozen on. We came close in a couple of stores, but, we were looking at around £500 for a 2 piece suit, with the alterations on top. We then found a shop called 5uit 5upply, which offers a semi-bespoke service, with 2 piece suits at around £450. Our decision was made and we made an appointment for the fitting the following month at a different store.

Here's where the drama started! We arrived at our appointment to be told that the price quoted was incorrect for the type of suit we wanted; the lower price got you very little choice (they only had one style available, for eg, and just a couple of grey fabrics), and the shoulders were not one of the areas they tailored; given that this was the area we were mainly having issues with, and given that shoulder alterations are expensive at around £50, it was suddenly not looking like a good option. However, they did offer another option for around £120 more, that offered a HUGE choice, and took all key measurements so it was fully made to measure. However, they couldn't fit us in for another 3 weeks, and the suit took 4-6 weeks to complete, meaning we would be picking up literally the week of the wedding...

Cue another bridezilla moment ;-) I was furious he'd left it so late! In the end this worked to our favour, and they squeezed us in sooner, and in the end, after two fittings, we collected the suit 2 weeks before; phew!

The suit is lovely: a dark grey 3-piece. OH was able to choose everything from the fabric, to the lining, to the cut, to the number and type of buttons, to the trims; he was even able to have our wedding date embroidered inside. And the best bit was, it fit perfectly. At £708 it wasn't cheap, but, I think it was worth it. He teamed the suit with a white slim-fit shirt, an ivory paisley tie and matching pocket square from M055 Br05, and black patent shoes from L0ak3. Here's the result (standing with my dad):



And here's the detail in the lining:



I thought he looked very handsome, and was really pleased with the choice he made; plus, he's now well-equipped for the weddings we have coming up next year ;-)

I love this thread, makes me feel better that all these flaps happen to everybody in some form or other :)

The witnesses, readers, and ring-bearers:

We needed two readers and two witnesses, and to make things nice and 'balanced' opted also to have two ring bearers, Also, I wanted to involved all the adult bridesmaids in the ceremony in some way. One was MOH, so I felt that was kind of enough, so we needed three 'things' to do. So, with the other three I asked what they would rather do: present my ring to OH, do a reading, or be a witness. They decided between them, and it was lovely to include them all in an extra way in the ceremony.

My OH then chose his friend's fiancee to do the other reading (he's best man at their wedding next year so we felt it would be nice to include them), his brother to be a witness, and his best man to present his ring to me :-)

The second dress:

So, as I said I got my 'proper' dress very early on in the planning process, and it was very different to what I thought I'd get, and was very heavy, with a long train. My mum was worried about me lasting in it for the duration (I'd be getting into it around midday, and knew we would be up until at least 3am; so, a long time!), and suggested I get a second, lighter dress as a back-up. I was very against the idea at first, but knew she had a point; and then I came across a dress in the Blue X sale in D'hams, and figured I may as well try it on. It fit nicely, it was light and comfortable, it looked nice, and at £128, it was a bargain! Needless to say, I bought it ;-)

I ended up changing into it around midnight; here's me 'getting my thang on' in it ;-) :





As you can see, it's ivory all-over lace with a deep v-back. I'd really recommend considering a second dress if you think you'll be having a late night/your main dress will get uncomfortable, as it was such a relief to have something light and comfy, but still pretty and 'weddingy' to change into :-) Plus, we ended up staying up until 6.30am lol; 19 hours in my other dress was not gonna happen!

And finally the jewellery...!

So, with the dress(es), shoes, veil and lingerie sorted, all that was left was the jewellery. I had considered wearing a beautiful diamond pendant I'd treated myself to at Christmas, but had always imagined wearing pearls, so a few months before I went shopping with my mum, and I have to say, we got pretty lucky!

First, I found a hair comb in D'hams that would be perfect for after I took off my veil (because the veil was so long I planned to take it off in the evening, and replace it with a glitzy hair piece); and, because it was another Blue X day, I got it for £52 down from £65:



We had a look at their jewellery, but nothing was quite right as I wanted something fairly subtle, plus I didn't really want costume jewellery, as I have lots already so wanted something more 'special'. We checked out a few jewellers and ended up in EJ, where my luck continued: they had a lovely white gold, diamond and pearl necklace down from £200 to £99, and then a pearl bracelet with white gold and diamond clasp down from £200 to £150. I decided to buy both, and when the bracelet went through the till there was a further discount, bringing it down to £127.50! So, that was my jewellery sorted (I don't have pierced ears), and here it is:

The diet:

Well, this wasn't really a wedding diet per se, though knowing that we were getting married probably gave me a push!

When we first started dating, I weighed a tiny 8 stone 4. Over the years, what with our frequent takeaways and meals and drinks out, plus the fact that once I hit my twenties my metabolism slowed considerably, the weight crept on, and at my heaviest I weighed 10 stone 4. At 5'7" I certainly wasn't overweight; but it didn't suit me. I have a petite bone structure/frame, and definitely look and feel my best at around 8 stone 10. So, in April 2012 I said 'enough is enough' and started dieting in earnest, with an aim to lose the weight very slowly, and keep it off; and that's what I did.

I download the My F1tn355 P@l app and loved it; not only did it open my eyes to what I was eating and make me make healthier choices, but I also discovered exercise; I started to go swimming regularly, and it was great knowing I could do, say, an hour swim and then have enough calories for a few glasses of wine that evening. It really changed my approach to diet and exercise.

In April 2013 I hit my target of 8 stone 7, just in time for my first fitting. After that, I maintained it pretty well; occasionally it would creep up slightly (like right now I could do with losing 7 lbs!), but I never went above 8 stone 12 in the 16 months from then until the wedding, and was back at 8 stone 7 for the final fittings and wedding :-) Here are a couple of before and after pics:

Approx 9 stone 12:





Mid-way at about 9 stone 2:



Target of 8 stone 7:





Since the wedding I've been a bit naughty (and the honeymoon didn't help!), plus I've had a relapse of ME/CFS which unfortunately has meant I've been unable to exercise for a few months now. I'm feeling a bit better though so my aim is to shift a few pounds in the next few weeks before Christmas, with an aim of losing the rest by the end of Jan. I've worked out that 8 stone 10 is a good weight for me, and is easy to maintain, so that will be my aim :-)

Thanks barbie, much appreciated. I searched them online and looked at their website - looks good with the different options they offer. I see they have a store in W3stfi3lds which is right next to the football ground of my OH's team. Thinking maybe we can tie the two in together one day :-) OH wants a blue suit and looks like they have some really lovely blue ones!

We are indeed talking about West London! OH's dad is originally from around there so they both support them. They used to have season tickets when he was a lot younger, but both of their jobs make it hard to get to many games now as they both work on Saturdays :-( we go when we can. I'm actually a member myself so I can get a ticket more easily when we do go!

So, the drama I mentioned...

We've had issues with MIL since we got engaged. We now know she has something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder which basically means that she only cares about herself; she doesn't love or care about anyone else, including her family and children, people are just pawns/game pieces to her, and suppliers of attention (aka narcissistic supply). Now that we know this we are better able to deal with her (we have very limited contact with her, speaking to her only via text so we have a written record and she can't twist things or gaslight us (this is basically where they lie, but make you feel like you're going crazy/imagining things; they're very good at it so it's useful for your own peace of mind to have a clear record of conversations), and seeing her once every couple of months only, in a neutral place; eventually, we will probably cut contact completely but that isn't possible at the moment as she knows where we live). It makes her incredibly difficult to deal with, and she has basically done her best to try to split us up (narcs don't like their children to have relationships, as it diverts the attention from them; so whereas a 'normal' person would be happy for their child if they got engaged/married/started a family, narcs just see it as the attention being taken away from them; they need to be centre of attention all the time, and will try to destroy anyone they see as a 'threat' to that), and cause as much stress as possible during wedding planning through lies and manipulation.

This eventually came to a head at the beginning of November last year after one passive aggressive attack too many, and we asked if we could meet her for a chat. That was literally all we wanted: a chat. We were planning on letting her know politely but firmly that we'd had enough of the games, lies, and passive aggression, and asking her to put a stop to it, and then moving on and putting in behind us. Well, all h3ll broke loose. She refused to meet us, saying that she didn't want to sit across the table from us while we 'held hands and threw rocks at her' (!). The dramatics continued and she deliberately sent a string of messages to OH the night of our menu tasting (after we hadn't heard from her for 2 days), to upset him and ruin the evening (it worked). I'd had enough. I told him she was not normal, that she was affecting our relationship, and actually making me ill, and that enough was enough. He ended up telling her he didn't want to see or speak to her again, and then all h3ll broke loose for a second time. Whereas any normal person would have a) met us in the first place and b) done their best to sort things out/apologise/whatever after he said he didn't want anything to do with her, all she saw was a fantastic excuse to get lots of attention from her FB friends. So, she took to FB and within a week had posted upwards of 100 passive aggressive or outright aggressive (in one she said that if she 'did what she wanted to do' someone would have to 'call the police') memes and statuses directed at us, all the while making zero attempt to actually reconcile with us.

The crazy continued with us eventually meeting her in January, and her being determined that we wouldn't make up, and that we would continue not to have contact with her, because again, narcs thrive on attention and not having contact with her son was the best way for her to get that attention and supply; if she made up with him, then yeah, she'd see him occasionally; but that was nothing compared to eing able to turn the rest of his family against him, being able to call them crying and saying how she couldn't understand it, painting me as an evil witch, etc etc. So, she deliberately made sure that it would not end well, and at the end, after a massive row with BIL (who shouted and swore and called us c*nts etc; we didn't raise our voices once), when we left and OH said 'See you later', she smugly replied, with a smile, 'No you won't'. Yes. TO HER OWN SON. Urgh. Around this time I ended up having 2 nervous breakdowns, and being signed off work for over a month with stress and anxiety.

Things were then a bit quieter, until the invitations went out, at which point she realised she wasn't invited (and while she didn't want us to get married, or to come, she also couldn't stand the snub of actually not being invited), and sent a 12 page A4 letter to my dad, along with 8 pages of photos, in which she slags me off and says how I am trying to tear her away from her son, takes a message I sent in response to a crazy one from her and 'analyses' it, and makes out like it came out of the blue, and to top it off, attaches a post-it saying 'This is the TRUTH'... To my dad. My mum received the same letter the following day, us the day after. I subsequently discovered that she also sent this to her brother, her mum, her ex (OH's dad), her ex's mum, and her other son/OH's brother...

At this point we contacted the police for advice, and filed a report. However, we realised that she wasn't going to go away, and that things would only worsen before the wedding. It was also highly likely that she would either turn up on the day anyway, or else pretend to attempt suicide in a bid for attention and to deflect the attention from us (now that I know more about NPD I absolutely believe she would have done; the latter is very common esp with their children's weddings, or the births of grandchildren). So, we made the difficult decision to invite her, feeling it might be the lesser of two evils.

Of course, she didn't want to come; so while she pretended to be happy, she did her best to try to get us to take back the invitation, through various things: telling us how awful we were and how we needed to apologise, going for dinner with us and walking out when she didn't get her way (OH refused to visit her at hers as we don't want to visit her unless it's on neutral ground where she has to 'behave' because she's in public), choosing an outfit in the 2 colours we'd asked her not to wear (and lying about buying it initially; she only bought it when we said she could wear it even though she made out that she'd already purchased it); the list goes on. We actually had to make 2 seating plans, one with her and OH's uncle and family, and one without (as OH's uncle and family wouldn't come if she didn't) as it was very possible she might have done something dramatic at the last minute to get out of coming.

The whole thing was insane, and made for a very very stressful time. Thankfully though we are now able to predict what she will do, and act accordingly. We've also become masters of not giving her what she wants. So when, for example, we received a long hysterical message a month ago in which she slagged off everyone from us, to the bridesmaids, to the best man, to my mum (all lies, naturally), we didn't rise to it, and simply ignored the entire thing. When she text the following week asking us to meet up and being more reasonable, we replied as if we'd never seen the first message.

It's very tiring though, and as I said, made for some incredibly stressful times in the months leading up to the wedding.

Fab thread!

So, now for something nicer!

Favours:

I didn't want to do the usual favours - chocolate/mini liqueurs etc - as I kind of felt like we were giving people plenty of food and drink as it was. I also didn't want to get something pointless that would be thrown away, or anything with our wedding date on. So, it was looking like no favours at all, or a charity donation.

I then found some cute pin badges from C@nc3r R3s3arch UK and they were perfect. We donated £200 for the 62 badges, and chose glittery hearts for the women, and the ribbon with a blue crystal for the men. They came with little cards explaining that a donation had been made; here are the women's ones:



They went down really well with the guests; almost everyone wore them, and a few people still wear them :-) We donated a little above the recommended amount (32 for the men's; £2.50 for the women's) as I wanted to make sure we more than covered production costs and that the charity actually got some money lol. Also, funny story: the bank blocked my dads' card due to the 'unusual payment'; jeesh, we do give to charity sometimes! ;-)

They were really nice, and as I said they went down really well :-) I just figured that way at least the money wasn't 'wasted', plus most people there have been touched by cancer and support the charity. Other charities do them too eg RSPCA do small items that could be used as favours, and Macmillan do them too :-)

The post box:

My mum really wanted a proper post-box, but I looked into it and they're SO expensive: about £200-300 to buy, or £60+ to rent. I found an awesome cardboard one on the bay that could be customised with your date etc, but when I went to buy one they'd sold out, and we were getting quite close to the day.

Then, one day my mum was in the art shop in town, and they had a metal one; not a proper cast iron one, but, it would certainly do the job! She asked if they would rent/sell it to her, and they agreed to sell it to her for £50. My OH then made a sign to go in it:





It's a little bit battered and bruised, but did the job and looked very effective! And the guests really liked it ;-)

What a fab thread! Love reading it!
So glad you've both worked out best way to handle your MIL, like Elinor says at least you know what your dealing with now.

We were thinking of getting the same favours as you as both of us have lost family members and friends to cancer, I was a little concerned how they'd go down so I'm pleased your guests liked them and used them.

I LOVE your hair style, that's how I'd like mine doing for our wedding! Would you mind if I showed my hairdresser a pic of yours?

Also, don't suppose you could post the name of where you got the glasses on my wall could you please? They look sooo much better than the glittery ones I've seen elsewhere! Thankyou in advance xx

Debbie: we were also in two minds about the favours as I know charity favours can be a bit 'controversial', but in the end we thought 'f it!'. At the end of the day, a pin badge is just as useful as the other stuff people give (like seeds etc), and we figured edible favours weren't strictly necessary given the amount of food and drink we were providing!

Of course you can show your hairdresser the picture :-) And I'll PM you the details of the lady who made the glasses :-)

Hey Debbie, I've sent you a PM :-)

The stag do:

My OH decided he wanted to go to Amsterdam, as he wanted to go abroad, but wanted a city break rather than a sun/beach holiday, and had wanted to go to Amsterdam for ages. So early May, he jetted off with 5 of his best friends for 3 nights and 4 days (I insisted that he went at least 3 months before to allow eyebrows/hair to grow back/broken limbs to heal, etc... (I'm only half-joking..!)).

They had a blast; it mainly consisted of some pretty heavy drinking but I think they managed to squeeze in the Heineken tour, a few 'cafes', and, of course, a couple of 'clubs' ;-)

Only downside was that my OH was on a keep-fit/diet drive before the wedding, and over-did it literally 10 days before. He ended up with some nasty muscle/tendon injuries in his knees, and unfortunately that spoilt it a bit as he was in a lot of pain and struggled with walking :-( On the whole though he had a great time :-)


PLEASE NOTE THIS THREAD HAS BEEN SUNK DUE TO THE WEDDING HAVING TAKEN PLACE 4.5 MONTHS AGO. IF ANY MEMBERS STILL WISH TO FOLLOW THIS THREAD PLEASE BOOKMARK IT. THANKS, MODS.

And here are a couple of photos:

The cabin:





And a few of us in the hot tub:





PLEASE NOTE THIS THREAD HAS BEEN SUNK DUE TO THE WEDDING HAVING TAKEN PLACE 4.5 MONTHS AGO. IF ANY MEMBERS STILL WISH TO FOLLOW THIS THREAD PLEASE BOOKMARK IT. THANKS, MODS.