I'm having some major family issues and I dont know what to do :(
Everyone who was interested in coming to my hen do said theyd prefer to pay for it month by month so I posted everyones invites out to them on friday last week (inc my mum and h2bs mum) so theyve got a year to pay for it all (bout a tenner a month)
Well h2bs mum has kicked up a stink that i posted her invite rather than handed it to her. Called me a jumped up piece of nothing. Yet my mum loved the fact that I posted it to her, made it seem more of an official invite.
So felt pretty down about that.
Then comes the wedding invites.....
We've been ordering samples from diff companies and we've finally decided on one company.
Received the sample and showed me mum and shes "offended" that its not "mr and mrs b2b invites ..... to our wedding"
Me and my h2b decided on sending the invites with the wording "me and h2b would like to invite...... to our wedding" We did this as a consious decision to not hurt his mam.
But now thats been thrown back in my face by my mum. And im getting myself all upset cos I cant do anything right.
I know its not the done thing to send the invites out from ourselves and not my parents but we both though it would offend h2bs mum if she received an invite inviting her to her sons wedding from my parents.....
Then if she receives the invite through the post is she going to be annoyed at us again?
Just feel like I cant win!
I thought sending the invites for the hen do by post was a nice touch - now I feel like maybe it was impersonal??
Please help :( xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorNevlar
how about ...'together with their parents invite .. to our wedding' i think its a nice touch that you sent them in the post more than i did anyway i sent a message on FB! by the sounds of things you'll never get it right but its your day!! dont let them worry you! i think its nice to get a formal invite in the post! maybe speak to hubby and see what he thinks? xxx
CommentAuthorLulu1388
First off, have you explained to your mom why you have chosen the wording? I know its traditional for the parents of bride (and/or groom) to invite people to attend their childs wedding but this is modern day... our invitations are from myself and my h2b inviting so n so to the wedding. I asked my parents and even though they are helping us with the finances they want it to be OUR day, we are choosing everything for the day, yes they are helping fund it, but its our choices so its from us... as it were. I know that may not help, but how come your parents are to be on the invitation? Would having 'Together with their parents... Nicola & Jamie cordially invite bla bla bla...' or the other way around? That way incorporating everyone and keeping the peace?
As for the hen, no it wasnt impersonal, i love the fact you have posted them out, and as your mom says, more official! If your FMIL is kicking up a fuss, let her get it out the system! Don't beat yourself up over it, its done now! I thought it was a lovely touch! x
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Hi Girls
I would love to put from both parents NEVLAR but my h2bs parents are split up so its his mum and stepdad and his stepdad would be upset if we used the words parents as that knida refers to his dad who isnt in his life as much but will still be at the wedding - all very awkward ha!
Yeah Lula I said that i didnt like the idea of her and me dad inviting h2bs mum to our wedding that for me it didnt seem right and she just went on about how she would be offended and everyone would expect to see hers and me dads name on the invite and that as theyre paying for a lot of the wedding it seems right.
To me though it doesnt... Yes they are helping us out massively for our wedding but i dont want to promote that fact! I totally agree with u lula it is more modern and its what we want to do
Just hate causing arguements and upsetting people! x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Oh i defintely agree, i am exactly the same. Im currently chasing up RSVPs as some still haven't replied 2weeks after cut off... but dont want to cause arguments/upset or seem naggy etc. Im in same boat, my parents are together, and h2bs parents are split too... mom is coming, dad isnt. long story but ye. Well my parents are helping us out massively too, however they said that even though they are, so in that instance should be from the parents, they are basically wanting us to have the money and then spend it on what we want, make our own decisions etc, they never got to, they had to go with what their parents wanted because it was their parents paying...and dont want that for us. im still checking and getting them involved with all decisions as they are helping us out i want them to know where their money is going. But because we are making the wedding, as dad put it, we should invite people to our day...
I know you dont like upsetting people but with regards to weddings, there is always something and someone that gets upset or doesnt like something you do unfortunately thats the way it goes... but you just need to stand tall and try not to let it get to you too much.
You have explained your reasoning to your mom, there isnt much more you can do unfortunately.
have you spoke to your OH about it? x
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
Traditionally wedding invites should only say Mr & Mrs Brides parent invite..... to the wedding of their daughter... When the brides parents pay for the whole wedding.
Tis a difficult one I know, I like the "together with our Parents" which I is what we'll say. I have however received invitations in the past that say Mr and Mrs ..... invite you to the wedding of their daughter ...... to ....... Son of Mr and Mrs ...... So I really think it doesn't matter and you should put what ever you want.
I've learn't that you can't please everyone when it comes to weddings, so if anyone says anything to me I just smile and nod and say I'll think about it lol
x
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
edited
Yeah he wants it from both of us.
To him he thinks he says that they paid for the wedding... and yes theyve paid for 50% of it all but its his pride he doesnt want people knowing.
Which I can understand. Espcially as his parents haven't gave us a penny to the wedding "Theyre saving up for his sisters" but another LONG Story lol.
Just dont like feeling that ive got to do what other people expect or want me to do.
Its our wedding.
We already had a to do with my mum over guests - she wants some of her mates there and "its only fair as theyre paying"
I know its a selfish thing to say but i just wish we'd just went off and married abroad just us too!
I need to think of a way to say to mum that we're wording the invites our way and she jsut has to deal with it - but obviously in a much nicer way lol!
Posting wise - theyre all going to be posted and tough luck if people dont like that. i cant be harrassed with people sticking their nose out (is that the expression lol) just cos it wasnt hand delivered!
I aint begging people to come to hen do/wedding they can get their invite and go from there lol!
Obv this I would never say outloud haha x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Wud love to say Together with our parents but it just doesnt work for our families unfortunately.... x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorNicoleee_x
maybe i'm being harsh but if his parents decided not to pay anything towards the wedding then they don't have a right to be upset if the official invite comes from the brides parents (which is tradition anyway!!)
we are paying for the whole thing ourselves so the invites are coming from us x
CommentAuthorLulu1388
haha i totally get you..there is plenty ive said in here that i would never dream of saying out loud.. i would LOVE to be able to! Just focus on the fact its your big day, you and your h2b... if your mom disproves just nod along and get over it! If you dont want to have the wording that way then dont. try and get her involved in something else, like when you go discuss flower options or cake options or something, distract her somehow! thats what i do with my mom! haha.
Your like me, my parents are paying a good 70-80% as well, nothing off his mom as she cant afford it, and his dad offered but we declined due to him not attending wouldnt be fair, so with the wording we dont want it coming across as the parents paid so the parents choice/parents day you know?
Im sure you will sort something out hun...
If all else fails then theres always combining it all ''your parents names together with h2bs mom & step dads names would like so n so to share in Nicola & Jamies special day,...." xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
I think it's turning their nose up isn't it ?? Lol..
As for your mum and the invite wording, I hope she comes round and see's your reasoning eventually.. Most couples do it from themselves now, especially if they already live together or have a child etc..
I think posting is so much better !! I love receiving post lol.. I could easily hand deliver 90% of our invites but I think posting it is much more exciting and a bit less awkward too lol.. I'd feel weird sitting their while someone opened an invite from me... It's like why didn't I just say it to them seeing as I'm sat right there lol.. xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
We'll be addressing our invitations from us because we've paid for most of it, h2b's parents have given us a contribution but it's not large enough to say we should have the invites addressed from them.... I think it's just personal choice, no reason for anyone to get offended over it, I think that's a little silly. I also think ur mil2b is being a little rude by saying that to you, I'd be thinking about uninviting my mil if she said or thought that about me just because of me posting a hen do invite x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Aw im glad u's are in agreement with me :)
My mil2b just said she didnt realise id posted everyones and just assumed i was lazy lol - cheek!! But she cant wait to come.... awesome :S
I really hope my mum lets this go about the invite thing. Its just mine and h2bs personal choice that we want to invite people ourselves. A lot of people coming to our wedding dont know my parents either.
My h2b is quite laid back about what we book and dont book but he was adament that the invite should say from us.
Going to not mention it to me mum for a while and pray she forgets ha!
Either that or speak to my dad and get him to side with me before approaching me mum again ha!
x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorSazzell23
We did our wedding invites from me and my hubby hun, not the parents. In our view it was our wedding, majority paid for by us and to do the invites from the brides parents seemed wrong since we are in our 30's and have our own home etc. There is nothing wrong with what you've done. Dont be bullied by h2b mum, she sounds horrible - i remember other posts on here about the way shes treated you and speaks to you xxx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Yeah im used to it by now.
Still its like a punch in the gut now and again but i learn to live with it!
Well ill be 27 and h2b 31 when we get married and we own our own house so i guess thinking of it like that we should be able to make our own decision. Just love me mum to bits and dont want to hurt her but u's are all right its our decision as its our wedding.
Think I need to grow a backbone (again expression?? lol) and just tell her how its going to be
xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorLauraM9144
WOW.... making my planning seem a breeze so far (touch wood) everyone has gone along woth the suggestions ive made. Although there was some disappointment in no hen party but just doesnt seem a viable cost for me instead me my mum mil2b and some of my girlies are going to decorate the reception venue and a few glasses of bubbly the day before that way i get the work done but in a fun way :) i too have been wondering about wording its difficult for me i dont want it to sound poncy thats just not me!! so want to find an alternative way of wording it but thin it will defo come from me and h2b we are the ones getting married we are doing most of the paying (altouugh i dont see that should make a difference), and some of the people who will be attending dont know one or the other set of parents so i just think its all to old fashioned. but each to their own of course. My mother in law told me when we announced our plans that to remember this is the one day in my life i get to show just how important all the people in my life are and you do that by making sure everyone has a lovely day but most of all by showing them how happy you are! everyone who truly cares for you will only ever want what makes you happy so put your foot down and tell them how you want it and if they care they will deal with it and move on :)
One BIG day will lead to lots of little happy days !!
CommentAuthorSazzell23
The way your MIL has spoken to you in the past and the name calling is really bad hun, you shouldnt have to put up with it. Theres a line and she keeps crossing it! Easiest option is to try and keep as much distance from her as possible but perhaps you should tackle it cus imagine if she upset you on your wedding day with nasty comments. She needs to know that they way she speaks to you isnt acceptable xx big hugs xx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Oh laura if u find a diff way to word it please let me know :) be nice to have something different on there! Sazzel im expecting it on our wedding day and ive told h2b - hes had a round about word with her and shes decided shes not staying the night before or the night of the wedding and she is going to drive hence no alcohol so that shud make things a lot calmer - vodka is not her friend! But he knows im worried about it and i know he'll be there for me if something does happen. And if it does then there'll be no going back from it and everyone who we work with and our family and friends will all see what she is really like. Im really calm about it tbh its just a what will be will be.
Fingers crossed my mum is going to be okay, definatel thinking the "get dad on my side route" is the way to go as i know he wudnt care what was on the invite as long as he was invited haha! then it may be easier to get my mum to come around! xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorSazzell23
Ah thats really good Nic, sounds like you are dealing with the MIL really well :) xx I do think nowadays most wedding invites come from the bride and groom, rather than the parents. A couple of times I've received invites from the parents and i've had to do a double take as to who the bride and groom are! Hope your mum calms down and comes round to the idea hun. Dont back down tho cus you've got to have it how you want it xxx
CommentAuthorEm01
We are having 'together with their parents' as my mom and dad aren't together so it's still including them without showing them as a couple and also involves H2B's parents which is important to hubby2b. Also we have paid for the entire wedding ourselves so wanted invite to be of us too.
CommentAuthorLauraM9144
theres so few wordings to be honest think im going to go with something like : bride plus groom with the love and support of our families invite you to attend our wedding ceremony at..........time........ please expect plenty of tears and men trying to do the robot and failing miserably! it includes all involved without being to specific plus doesnt sound quite so traditional and has some humour which sums us up lol it will defo go something like that! and good luck to you i'm sure you will work things out and if not you could always tell her you posted the invites tot he hen in the hope fate would give you a brea and hers would get lost!
One BIG day will lead to lots of little happy days !!
CommentAuthorVelcro
Id explain to my mum why i chose not to put her on there and remind her just how difficult that decision was without her having a go while shes at it! I'm being extremely vague with ours it will jut be something along the lines of 'we invite you to the wedding off Manboobs and Wino' and let people make their own assumptions
As for his mum kicking off about recieving her invite through the post and not hand delivered, Id tell her to put a sock in it and remind her she's a grown fucking woman
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorLegoWife
You could put "together with their families" instead of parents, that implies wider family are involved. Or you could just put "Guest is invited to the wedding of b2b&g2b"
Some different options to consider at least :)
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorVelcro
^ thats a good idea
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Oh lego wife I like the together with their families one... that sounds class! cos then it implies my parents, his parents, his step parents :)
great thinking!!!
xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Oooh the families does sound good. and incorporates any one and everyone :D xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Yup lol the whole world is inviting you *guest* to our wedding haha x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorLegoWife
:D
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Personally i think it depends on how much financial imput they have put in, if my mum had paids for 50% or more of my wedding i would have sat down and asked her how we should word the invited and same with H2B's parents! as traditionally it was Mr and Mrs B2B invites you to the wedding of B2B and H2B as they paid for the wedding. but now adays most partners pay for their own wedding, so our will be B2B and H2B invite you to their wedding.
As for the getting all petty about getting it through the post is stupid, im with your mum on it seeming more official ,and im not 100% don't most comps send them straight out to guests now adays??
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
So we received our sample for our wedding invites and we LOVE them!!!
invites.jpg
and this is the wording we chose:
inside invite.jpg
I haven't yet managed to talk to my dad about the wording so I didn't intend to show my parents it yet...... but my mum being my mum when she came to our house automatically picked up my wedding planner and found it......
She didnt say anything at the time then when she left and got home I get this text off her....
"we feel we should be honoured to invite the guests to the wedding of our daughter. its tradition for the brides parents"
I feel like im banging my head against the brick wall.
Yes they are paying for about 50% of our wedding but its just that... OUR wedding....
My personal opinion is that it shouldnt be my parents inviting people to my wedding... because its not my wedding its mine and my h2bs wedding.....
I just know his mum is going to kick off when she sees wording to the effect of my parents are inviting her to the wedding of her own son!
Argh I really dont know what to do! I dont like how shes used the word "we" in the text too cos i relaly dont think my dad cares either way lol.
I 100% want me and my h2b to invite people to our wedding. It shouldnt be a case of having to "honour" my parents..... They know how grateful we are about the money and intend to thank them in the speech but theres only so much i can take!
Like I asked my mum to go wedding shoe shopping with me.... she wants to bring my nanna and my aunty and has invited them.... which is fine but i was wanting a mother daughter day not a frickin family outing! Its like nothing is going to be a suprise for my family as my nanna and aunty have already seen my dress too!!! (not my choice then either)
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!
xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Etiquette-wise, the invites should come from whoever is paying for the wedding.
So, if the bride's parents are paying for the whole wedding, it should say 'Mr and Mrs X request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter X to Y, son of Mr and Mrs Y'
If the groom's parents have paid, it would be the other way round
If the couple are paying, the invite comes from them
If both sets of parents are paying it comes from both;
Etc.
As your parents are paying for 70% of the wedding, it should come addressed from them, or else from them, plus you/the groom's parents (whoever is paying the further 30%). This is the 'correct' thing to do as it gives the parents the recognition they deserve. My parents are paying for almost the entire wedding, at a very substantial cost, and I want that recognised officially; so the invites will come from them, so that guests are aware of who has paid. I would never dream of sending them from us, as guests would assume that we had paid, when we haven't. So, I totally see why your mum is upset.
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Its about 50% half the cost. We're paying the other half.
My h2bs family aren't giving us anything towards the wedding as they say they cant afford too. I dont really want it shooved down their throat by my parents inviting them to the wedding of their own son?
I dont know if im making sense.
Im quite a private person and although my parents are giving us a massive money boost for our wedding I dont really want people to know that, that to me is something we should keep between us and our parents?
xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
edited
In that case, it should come from you and your parents; I'm sorry, I agree with your mum. I'm a stickler for etiquette, and I think that if your parents are contributing, it should be formally acknowledged on the invitation, as is traditional. It's not a case of shoving it down your OH's parent's throats; it is a case of correct vs incorrect etiquette, plus traditionally, the bride's parents pay, and no-one will bat an eyelid at the fact his parents aren't paying.
As far as being private/keeping it to yourselves; that's fine if both of you agree on that. However your mum (rightly and understandably IMPO) obviously doesn't, and would like their contribution to be acknowledged. As such, I do think it should come from both of you.
If you really won't back down, then I would do away with formal wording, and simply say 'you are invited to the wedding of x and y'. The wording you currently have tells guests that YOU have paid, when that isn't the case; and yes, I do think that's wrong, and unfair on your parents.
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
I honestly didn't know until I started looking into it that the way I word invites could mean - The person is hosting the wedding - The person is paying for the wedding I just thought its me and jay wanting to invite people to our wedding ha!
Spoke to my mum and shes cool with "Nicola & jamie Together with our parents invite...."
But then my h2b isnt :( it suggests his dad who isnt in his life anymore and not his step dad....
So im thinking the only way to compromise is to say "together with our families"
Therefore its not implying anything (hopefully) lol
x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorMrs T. 2 Be
This confused me too especially with my parents being divorced and my OH's being together.
We went for Emma (daughter or X and Y) & Kevin (Son of X and Y).
We did this because althought we are footing 90% of the wedding our parents have made contributions so thought it was only fair to include them on our invites.
Started Dating: 25th September 2005
Engaged: 26th September 2012
Getting Married: 25th May 2014
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
You could do what Emma has put Nicola, then you H2Bs step dad will feel the honour of being mentioned as his parent ? Xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthorMundith
our invites are super informal (or will be when i sort them)
something like:
blushing bride, handsome groom food, booze and bad dance moves! you in or what?
Its just more 'us' we dont stand on ceremony so much ;)
kelly xx
Tradition is not for us ;)
Future Mrs M
CommentAuthorKatya
I don't care if people kick off about the wording of our invites! We have been together long enough, have got 2 kids together, the invites cant be worded from my mum due to current situation anyway, and we don't get on with his parents all that well either! Our invites are worded "Mum & Dad are getting married & we would like to invite you" if the parents don't like it, they don't have to attend! thats my way of looking at it anyway.... sorry its not much help but maybe adopting an attitude like "if you dont like it you know where the door is" is the only way to get round these things!
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Katya: not when the parents have made a substantial contribution.
IMPO if you don't want to include them on the invite, and see yourself as self-sufficient, that's fine; but don't accept any financial assistance from them. To have them pay for 50% of the wedding, and then word the invite as if you have paid for all of it, is rude; plain and simple. I wouldn't even dream of not having the invites come from my parents, regardless of what our personal situations were, because they have made such a huge contribution, and it is only right that that is formally and correctly acknowledged; why should we take the credit?...
BTW: that isn't directed at you b2bnicola: I think the compromise you have come to is fine, and if your mum is happy, that's the most important thing.
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
After long conversations with parents its maybe gonna be:
Jamie Knowles & Nicola Ross together with their families.....
or I'm going to do 2 different sets of invites..... one saying "mr and mrs ross bla bla to the marriage of the daughter etc etc" and the other saying the above.
I still just cant decide.
I know my parents have contributed massively to our wedding. We never asked them too, we were very reluctant to accept the money and still are.
They are already using this as an excuse to push for "extra buttonholes and flowers for aunts/uncles" and "extra guests at the night time" that we hardly know.
So it made be rude to some people but to me im already bein forced to do things i dnt want to do just cos my parents are giving us money so at the very least i want the invitations to be from me and jay otherwise it might as well just be my parents wedding not ours!
Feel like im kinda loosing touch with what we want for our wedding by having to constantly give in to what they want...
Then obv my ongoing probs with h2bs family dont help either.
TBH I really wish we had just done off and got married abroad!
Im not the type of person that wants to hurt anyone by doing something. I very rarely do anything "selfish" of me but its our wedding and i just keep getting so upset about it all! x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorRennie1989
I have designed our own invitations and they are addressed from my h2b and myself. We live together and my parents live 70 miles away so it made sense to send it from ourselves rather then them.
Just remember that it is YOUR wedding day. You decide how your invites will be written. If people don't like it then stuff them! Getting annoyed about how an invite is worded is very petty.
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Yea tell me about it.
Fingers crossed all will be okay and family decide to keep their opinions to themselves lol x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorMrsK2b
I think it is your and your H2Bs choice.
We had ours from my parents as they are paying over 50% and we have worded the evening invites from the parents off as I thought that would be nice for H2Bs family.
My sister in law done my Hen invites and they were all posted out I think its nice that they get posted out.
My parents wanted to invite more people so i just said to them that if they wanted to invite them thats fine with me but your other friends wouldnt be able to get an invite.
Just remember that it is your wedding day and do it the way you both want to.
Cant wait until I become Mrs K
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
Our invitation wording is:
My parents request ... blah ... their daughter
My name to H2B name
Son of H2B Parents
Whether my mum and dad were paying or not, I'd want them to be on it as we're a really close family, and H2B's parents are on it as his mum passed away and I thought it would be a nice touch so she was still included in some way... He liked it :-) But to be honest, I didn't know money had anything to do with who's names are on the invites, I just thought it was a tradition from the brides parents 'presenting' their daughter to her groom and 'allowing' the marriage....
IMO your invites should be from whoever you want.. You can thank your parents in the speeches and with a thoughtful gift, their names don't have to be on the invites to thank them... xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
It would be great if I could put "the son of" but his mum and dad are split up. His stepdad is his best man. And even though he speaks to his dad hes not a major part of his life. But putting it on may offend step dad. Not putting it on wouldnt be worded right as he is not his step dads son (if that makes sense)
And yeah I thought that we would be thanking them in the grooms speech (im writing the thank you part for him to say) x
