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    Can some one please clarify what i do in this situation, basically i have a loarge family, my husband to be only has a very small family, he has his mother, his stepdad and his gran, that is it, he doent know his biological father. so my debate is at the top table.

    basically, me and the groom should sit in the middle. now i said becuase my h2b only has his mother and stepdad and his best man on his side, i said i want my birth mother and father then my chief bridesmaid on my side to even it out.... my h2b likes this idea, my mother doesnt mind this idea but my dad is kicking off because he wants to sit with his new partner not his ex wife and cutting a long story short we have had a huge debate about this. i cant have 6 people on my side and only 3 on my h2bs side our top table would look rediculous. i dont see why my dads partner cant sit at the closest table to the top table along with my stepdad and my remaining bridesmaids.

    what does a bride do in this situation, my dad is now saying he doesnt want to be at top table at all. this i think is disgusting, me and dad are really close am i being unreasonable? i dont want to highlight the fact my h2b doesnt have a father there .

    any ideas please.

    • Ha_x3
      CommentAuthorHa_x3Got married 4 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012 edited
    Awkward.. I know the feeling, when we were originally going to marry in england my dad said he wouldnt attend our wedding if my mums partner was going. Oviously i wanted everyone there so after lots of hearache/worrying etc me & my H2B decided to marry abroad just the two of us.
    I dont know what to suggest hun to keep eveyone happy & the table to be even on both sides

    Hope you work something out hun

    Mrs Lunn
    08/05/12 was the best day of my life
    & I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
    • OWB
      CommentAuthorOWBGot married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    Tell your father that if he wants to sit with his wife then that's fine, but it won't be on the top table and you'll have your step father there instead. He won't be sat next to your mother anyway, he'd be sat between you and mil2b.

    If only life could be one long tea break

    funny you should say that , thats exactly what i said, sod the lot and get married abroad, lol... its just so frustrating, why cant my dad forget about his partner for the sake of 2 hours for the wedding meal. its not asking a lot, i never even thought it would be an issue, obviously if my h2b had a father he knew he would sit beside his mother and stepfather and it wouldnt be an issue, but he doesnt know him so only way to make the table even is to have the ushers sat up there i suppose but he isnt keen on thisidea.
    would it be weird for my dad to sit with his partner my h2bs side? ahh what a mess. i suffer with anxiety too and at the minute its just crazy trying to solve this .
    thank you xxxx
    • Mrs Forrest :-)
      CommentAuthorMrs Forrest :-)Got married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    I have a similar problem. My parents divorced 20yrs ago and my dad is remarried. My mum is still single.

    I spoke to my mum about the top table because I want my stepmum and my dad plus her on the top table. My stepmum has been in my life for 20yrs and has been more of a mother to me than my real mum. My mum kicked off BIG time about it. I have compromised and am now having my sister on the top table too to sit between my mum and my dad & stepmum.

    You cant please everyone hun, I dont think you are being unreasonable at all! Maybe ask your H2B if you should both have your step parents on the top table too x
    owb, we didnt opt for the father of the bride mother of the groom plan because my mother and grooms stepfather dont get on, we decided it would be easier to have myparents my side and his mother and stepfather his side.
    do i ditch the top table and have just bride and groom on it. could i have like a horse shoe shape so that all guests are down the sides of us, could that work? im running out of suggestions and its driving me mad all this arguing, my dad isnt speaking to me and he cant see why his partner cant sit with him, not only that, if i do sit dads partner next to him, that would mean my own mother would be further away from me ;-( xxx
    thanks amy :-) if we didnt have his step parents on top table again it would be uneven because his stepdad is basically his dad he has been in his life for 20yrs and it wouldnt be right just haveing his mother, and my parents are my birth parents. but i have a stepdad too who i have known for 20 yrs and my dads partner i havent even known 2 yrs. i know i cant please everyone but surely my dad can see that its just silly to not have him sat next to me , but he doesnt and he thinks im being selfish xxx
    • Elle23
      CommentAuthorElle23Got married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    We have a similar problem
    We have not decided yet (and our prob is the opposite to yours, Best man and MOH issues with Dad)
    We are thinking parents only and Best Man & MOH (husband and wife) host their own table, close to top table but other side from where Dad will sit!!

    In your situation, how about you 2 plus Best Man and MOH only, parents to then host their own tables close to top

    To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013

    • Mrs Forrest :-)
      CommentAuthorMrs Forrest :-)Got married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    Thats a good shout Elle23, just you 2 and the best man plus MOH. That would work, or if H2B only has his nan as his other family, add her on to the top table so she doesnt have to sit alone, that could even out numbers x
    I know the feeling, both mine and Davids parents are divorced and now have new partners or are remarried. Both sets of parents separated under very bad circumstances! We have decided on a sweetheart top with just two of us! It is going to save us a big headache! We also thought about including best man and maid of honour but as my maid of honour has a baby boy its probably just easier to keep it to two of us!

    I cant believe that your dad is now not speaking to you over this. It may be best to leave it for a little while and then draft the top table again when you have had some breathing space. xx
    thanks every one, i like elles idea re best man and moh that could work well i shall speak to my fiance tonight.

    amy if we put his gran is side, we would still have one extra my side as there would me me my dad his partner my mum my stepdad and my chief bridesmaid. grooms side would only be groom grooms mother, grooms stepfather, grooms gran and best man

    sammi i am interested to know what a sweetheart top table is please? are there any other ways we could have a top table etc.

    thank you everyone, think il let me dad stew it over for a while and bring it up at a later date. its just playing on my mind and obv with my anxiety it is making it worse :-( xxx
    • ocean
      CommentAuthoroceanGot married 30 months ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    ditch the top table, have them sat with who they want and just have bride and groom :)
    thats what i said ocean but mother of the groom isnt happy not being at top table now either. its just too complicated why is everyone being awkward :-( xx
    • millz090
      CommentAuthormillz090Got married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    I am having a similar dilemma... however i have put my foot down firmly with my parents. It is our wedding and not theirs.... if they want to sit on the top table then they can but no step parents as too awkward and if they don't want too and rather sit with the partners then fine. Be firm and remind them who's wedding it is !! xx

    Finally marrying the love of my life !!
    10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !

    A sweetheart top table is just the bride and groom. My h2b sisters had just the tow oif them at her wedding and when we told our venue we would be having just us as a top table she said her last wedding the couple had that too. I think its becoming more popular with all of the complicated families these days. xx
    • CommentAuthorkrissy905
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    i would do as OWB said if your dad is that adamant he wants to sit with his wife make it clear it will not be on the top table but the next closet and your stepdad will take his place at the top instead. i do think its a bit bad if he cant make the effort and sit with out is wife for a couple of hours its not like you will be sat down for the full day x
    krissy he isnt married she is just his partner, they dont even live together they are just dating. he has told me to drop it now as he is sick of talking about it but i need to get this sorted and he is being selfish. thats why we said birth parents only, we have told him its our wedding and what we want goes but he isnt listening. so i told him to to come at all if his only daughters wedding is going to be a chore. im peed off with it all now. its only for a few hours how selfish of him :-( xx
    millz090 if my father wasnt sat next to me on my top table it would feel like he was absent :-( even my wedding coordinator said he has been doing weddings for 10 years and has never had a father of the bride sit anywhere but next to the bride. xx
    • CommentAuthorkrissy905
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    sorry thought they were married but that just makes it work to be honest they don't even live together so aren't even serious to that extant yet. i said to my sister the other day that having no parents sometimes makes things a little easier i don't have these problems all though i do miss my mum and wish she was here to see my get married and she her grandchildren grow up xx
    precisely my point , she doesnt need to be on my top table besides making it uneven, i have only met her ten times if that, by this time next yr they might not even be together. its just my dad acting like a spoilt brat. sorry to hear about your mum not being there krissy
    thanks for everyones replies. xxx
    • Gazza 122
      CommentAuthorGazza 122
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    We are not having a 'traditional top table' arrangement, as My family are all a pain in the rear! lol
    We have decided to cut the stress levels and sit by ourselves on a table for 2 xxx everyone else is at opposite ends my mum away from my dad lol hosting their own tables xx

    • katielea100
      CommentAuthorkatielea100Got married 11 months ago
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    my mum n dad are separted and she has a new partner n to be fair i dont see my dad often anyway anymore so ive decided that im only having me my H2B and our daughter on our top table :)
    • CommentAuthorNikitaL
      CommentTimeMar 6th 2012
    We had a similar problem, i have two sets of parents on my side and my h2b has one set. Also i have 4 bm's and he has 2 best men.

    What we have finally decided on is that we will have a top table with just the two of us, have two tables near the tope table, one with all the parents on and one with the bridesmaids and best men on, along with the flower girls. We are also going to put our two pageboys on the table with the parents so they can be like mediators as my parents and my h2b parents have never met.

    Hope this helps. We havent put it forward to people yet but its our choice and we feel this is the best way so if anybody has a problemwith it its tough titties! lol
    • Antonia9
      CommentAuthorAntonia9Got married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 7th 2012
    both mine and h2b's parents are remarried etc.... so to save arguements we arent having a traditional top table, instead on the top table it will be me, h2b, my MOH and the Best Man. Saves arguements and saves me stress :0)

    Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
    May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend

    • KatieDolman2b
      CommentAuthorKatieDolman2bGot married 4 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 7th 2012
    My mom divorced my dad years ago and we no longer speak to him. And she doesn't have a partner at the moment. My h2b is having 2 best men. We're not very conventional lol. So to save all the hassle that a top table brings, we're having a 'sweetheart' table. Plus its time where me and my h2b can spend probably the only time alone together till bedtime x
    • Jakesmummy
      CommentAuthorJakesmummyGot married 4 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 7th 2012
    I had a similiar sort of nightmare, my parent are divorced and both wanted to sit with their new partners, but i didnt want my dads wife sitting nearer to me than my mum, (cant stand her) if they sat male female male female etc it would mean my mum would be in on the end and i didnt want that, and my dad didnt want his wife sat on the end on her own (fair enough) then there was best man and maid of honour who were going to sit on h2b's side to even the sides out but they refused to sit next to each other as they used to be a cuople and he cheated on her and had a baby with someone else whilst they were still togethet (my wedding is going to be like an episode of eastenders lol) so now it going to be like this BEST MAN BRIDE GROOM MAID OF HONOUR, and then grooms parents, my mum and partener and my dad and partner and all hosting there own SEPERATE tables, that way they can sit with whoever they like and everybodies happy (until they find something else to complain about but this is the point were i stop caring lol) familys hey x good luck hun xx
    Ive played for hours with my top table for this reason as I have a step mum and step dad. The way we are having out top table starting from the left is:

    Step dad, MOH, FOG, MOB, Me, H2B, FG(our daughter), FOB, MOG, BM and step mum. Im more than happy with this arrangement.

    Google it though, they have loads of table plans on there for step parents etc xx

    Got with the most wonderful man on 1/09/05
    Got engaged to my sole mate on 1/09/06
    Getting married on 1/09/12
    Looking forward to becoming Mrs Houghton!
    • GabyS
      CommentAuthorGabySGot married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 7th 2012
    I know how u feel my parents are seperated with different partners... Its tricky.. What I gonna do is have it the way you said and if people dont sit where you ask on your day thats their problem.. Your not being unreasonable, they are your parents at the end of the day and when they devorced they must of known this day would come. Your only asking it as a one off, its not like your asking them to get bk together. You wouldnt think our parents would be so petty would you lol x

    on our top table there is only going to be me, my partner and our 3 kids as h2b parents are divorced and not getting on so its easier that way
    • EcoFreak
      CommentAuthorEcoFreakGot married 22 months ago
      CommentTimeMar 7th 2012
    Urgh sorry but your dad is acting like a child! It's your WEDDING, surely being FOB trumps everything and he can survive without his partner for a couple of hours?! I'd be saying tough cookies it's your top table, your layout or you'll have a sweetheart table/ the BM & MOH arrangement. Then when the other parents get peeved about the lack of top table you can tell them exactly why! Maybe then your dad will see sense :) Xx

    • GabyS
      CommentAuthorGabySGot married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeMar 7th 2012

    • StaceyP91
      CommentAuthorStaceyP91Got married 3 years ago
      CommentTimeApr 2nd 2012
    Were going through a similar thing. :( so h2b have decided it will be my parents, uncle, sister, her husband & child, us 2 & our child on our top table :) his parents are divorced & do not get on well, they both have new partners & getting remarried so they will be sitting oppsoite end of room. Our top table is unusual considering its my family but its what my h2b wanted :) Cant really ave MOH or bmaids & best man as they all have there own familys.


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