i need to vent my annoyance with family- why do they start interfering and getting upset/ annoyed over decissions we make about our big day aarrrggh, i have'nt invited one of my sisters to be a bridesmaid due to not speaking to her often - once a yr if lucky, i used to text n try to talk to her all the time but sick of the one word answers all the time it felt as though she wasn't interested in our side of the family so stopped bothering, i get a message of her mum ranting about how unfair i was being that my sis would nt be comming to the wedding so i got her number of our dad n replied to the ex mil and honestly but diplomatically explained to her why i hadn't asked my sis to be bm also explaining that if my sis has problems comming to see us as it is then hows she going to visit regulary for bm dress fittings, trying them on, choices and other bm duties? ( i'm a support worker and can be diplomatic ) printed the conversation off to give my dad a copy as ex mil twists things, phoned my dad and also explained- hes now torn as he understands why but also reminded me that she is my sis ! just read reply off ex mil and shes not taken a bit of notice of what i explained its like shes got a bee in her bonnet n doesnt want to understand it !!! im not even getting married for another 2 yrs n its started already !! should i ask my stranger sis to be bm just to make things quieter?
CommentAuthorClareandBen2010
not if you dont want her to be. my sister is not being a BM but thats mainly due to her not wanting to. its your day and they should be a bit more understanding
CommentAuthorLou lou
i dont see the point in her being a bm i dont really know her but i also know ex mil will chew my dad and myself for the 2 yrs over it !
CommentAuthorGoff
Tough
Not your problem. Your dad needs to stand up to her and tell her to fuck off.
Its YOUR day, and you have who the hell you want honey x
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthornewmrshartley
i agree with goff! i was almost forced into asking my sis to be my MOH because we all know how much of a hissy fit she would throw if i didnt. but i decided its my day and i need my best friend - who's opinion and advice i trust 100% - by my side to keep me chilled and calm. also she will be able to calm family feuds instead of starting them :) you choose who you need - your reasons are valid as are your concerns, but you dont need me to tell you that. just keep your resolve and dont give in :)
I'm having my sister as MOH but it's now 6 months before the big day and she's done NOTHING. To the extent that today I bought her dress WITHOUT HER IMPUT! Still who's the mug forking out £200 for a dress she will whinge about? Guess that would be me! On the plus side, she said she doesn't want to wear green and I've gone for a bright green dress! Actually looking foward to seeing her face...
Don't be a walkover like me - if you really don't want her as a bridesmaid, don't. If it's about the money, say she can but will have to buy her own dress. But I'd strongly advise - don't have people around you that drive you mad!
CommentAuthorLou lou
lmao kizzy ur sis's face will be a pic- but if she was there then she could of had input, uve made me laugh while in a grump ! thank girls for the advice it really is appreciated . Goff i dont think my dad will stand up to her as she wears him down. Hopefully i'll keep the resolve while not falling out with my dad over it x
CommentAuthorSuzi
I agree with Goff hun!! Tell them to go do one! It is your day NOT theirs and it is time your ex MIL realised that and grow the hell up! I would be telling her exactly where to stick her business!!!
Do not disturb... Already disturbed enough!
CommentAuthorLou lou
well got another message of ex mil complaining about my choices of venue, numbers, where the venue is etc, could be bothered to be diplomatic this time as i'm a generally straight forward person and told her that although i understand her supporting my sis that her comments about the wedding choices about our wedding day are not warrented or welcome, i also suggested that since my sis and i are grown ups that we can take it from here, my dad has said he doesnt want to hear anything about the wedding for 2 yr at least as he's sick of it already- hes only had to put up with 2days strife. no doubt ex mil will interfer further though and make a huge mountain out of a molehill !!!
CommentAuthorSuzi
Good for you hun! it is noone's business except you and your H2b about choice of venue etc so she should keep the hell out of it! I don't know how you have kept so calm about it to be honest! As for your dad it must be hard for him but he should really be supporting you hun!
Do not disturb... Already disturbed enough!
CommentAuthorLou lou
suzi i'm not calm- ive never liked the woman n its annoying me but due to job i do i can eliminate emotions when trying to be diplomatic and understanding, but i definatly think emotions got pulled into the last message as i was straight to the honest point- she wont like it though and will reply !
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
Im not having either of my sisters as bm's. Having my 3 kids and thats it. So trying to come up with jobs for them to do instead, older sis is organising the hen night and not thought of anything for the younger one yet.Also trying to think of things for my 3 nieces to do but if i can find REALLY cheap dresses might end up with 5 bms and a pageboy lol. Would putting the stranger sis in charge of something instead be an idea?
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorPossum
No - I can understand a sister who you talk to being upset, but its her own fault for not keeping in touch! I'm all for not keeping the peace if people are going to be like that!
CommentAuthorPossum
What does it have to do with an ex mother in law anyway?
CommentAuthorkittykat1986
only one of my sisters is bridesmaid my other sister is a converted muslim long story and she wont wear a dress and shell wanna cover up which is silly and will look odd shes only doing the muslim thing to prove a point
CommentAuthorCupCake
I think you should say what you want then leave it be. Like you said your wedding is a long way off and alot can happen between then and now, so don't allow these interfering busy bodies stress you out for the next 24 months!! I don't think your sister deserves to be a BM JUST because she's your sister, she's obviously got no interest in you or your daily life on a day to day basis, so why give her the privelidge of a major role in your big day? I have the feeling she won't turn up on the day just to P you off anyways. I haven't even told my sister I'm getting married yet, as she's just the same, and will spoil everything if I allow her to. Just make your plans and keep it quiet, if they don't like what you choose then they need to stay away don't they? Good Luck xx
Became Mrs Lyons 30th July 2011 x
CommentAuthorJenni
me and my finace have been umming and arring over who to sit at our op table as his parents divorced and remarried when he was very young. he was brought up by his mother and step dad but still has lloyalities to his father who had lil time for him.. at the end of the day- it is YOUR wedding. if i can sit at our wedding with a smile on my face knowing we done things the way we wanted thats all that matters. i refuse to sit there though and feel guilty about shunning one person for another- and you shouldnt either! its your day, do what you want to! if your sister hasnt been there for you, done what sisters,friends are meant to- hold ur hand when your crying or pick you up when your feeling low- she sure as hell has no right being there when your at your best. people have to be there through the good and the bad- not when it suits them! sorry for going off on one..good luck chick and all the best!! x
CommentAuthorLou lou
thank u for all the support i 'll see how things work out n not talk weddings with family if i can help it, though i got another message off ex mil telling me not to get stroppy with her after the last straight to the point message i replied to her with lol. at the end of the day u are all right its our wedding and our day, thank u all xx
CommentAuthorPossum
Lou, just tell her it has nothing to do with her as she is the EX mother in law and you can marry whoever you please and invite whoever you want!
CommentAuthorWingedSnail
We have an issue with h2b's family - his parents want his brother to be bestman, but h2b had already asked his best mate... so we now have to find another role for his brother (who has openly said he isn't interested in doing anything other than having a good time) just to keep his folks happy.
CommentAuthorLou lou
oh dear we all have issues with family not hapy with our choices about our day, i think surely our families should just be happy that we've all met ' the one ' thank goodness for the support we have off everyone on here otherwise i think we would all be more stressed lol
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs Nicol
i agree with the girls it's up to you, you decide who does what, if u don't want her in it then dont let any1 push u about it...
CommentAuthorClaire Sky
don't give in and ask her if you don't want to xx go with your instinct! xxx
CommentAuthorjo
goes to show what a godsend this site is!
CommentAuthormrsmada
my god i am soooo lucky. both of our families are bein really supportive of our choices, although i do hav a great aunt who was telling my mam about the hat she wil be wearing to the wedding and wasnt very impressed wen my mam explained that she was only bein invited to the evening do as we are only havin parents, our 4 kids, brothers sisters, h2bs grandparents and the best man. ther only goin 2 b 23 ppl including us for the reception the the rest of our families and friends are comin on the nite. i hope it all wrks out for the best for u hunni but as the other girls hav said it is ur day so bollox to evry one and hav it the way u want xx
CommentAuthorRelfy
No, no and erm no..... just because she is your sister it doesnt give her the right to be a BM - BM are there to help and support you and to deal with anything should it go wrong. How can she do that when she hasnt been in contact and therfore doesnt know you, what you like or what you would want.
I had the same situation with one of my sisters, Speak to her about once a year and she only calls when she wants something, she didnt think that it was fair for my oldest sister to be BM and not her - i told her straight and said if you dont like it then dont come.
