After a bit of advice really.... I went dress shopping last week and found a lovely dress, completely not what I thought I'd want, my friends love it but my Mum doesnt like it. My mum thinks I should be in a fitted dress but the one I love is I suppose is a ball gown style. Don't get me wrong, I have an ok figure, but I just felt the fitted styles were so unforgiving....I know I can get away with it, but I just didnt feel confident. I am going shopping again this Saturday but I keep thinking about this dress.... Also, this week I want to take a few friends along who've known me a long time. I have my Mum and 3 friends coming (2 bridesmaids and 1 friend who I really trust). My mum is demanding that I uninvite a couple of friends as she doen't think it is the done thing to bring 4 people dress shopping. My mum is buying my dress and I just feel we might fall out over this....Im just worried now that I am not going to get the dress I want as my Mum might just refuse to buy the one I want..... Anyone had a similar situation? x
CommentAuthorMrsWearn2be
edited
This is exactly the same as my issue!!! I tried on a dress she loved...but I hated it!! not 1 bit of me liked it even slightly...I tried a bigger dress... and I fell in love...but my mum wasnt keen..she didnt hate it..but she was adament I should have a slim one... I was a bit annoyed because she then went on to say ''your only getting married in a registry office'' :O what a bloody cheek..regardless of where im getting married...its still my ONE day to wear a wedding dress....so I just went back with a couple of my best mates..and ended up buying the one I like....its your day..do what you want!! you cant wear what everyone else wants you to wear if you dont like it!! So being as shes buying your dress....I would actually have a serious talk about it and tell her that you want to feel special..and you dont feel special in the ones shes trying to make you have... xxxx
CommentAuthorMrsWearn2be
edited
Ohhh my dress is on my profile in my photos if u wanted a sneaky peak.....my mum likes it now of course...but well...she hasnt got a choice in the matter but then again..she didnt pay for it....it'd be cruel of your mum to refuse to buy your dress because she doesnt like it xx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
it is your choice and it really wouldn't be fair of your mum to not buy it just because she doesn't like it, if you love it then you love it
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorShazk
Oh hun but like mrswearn said its ur day and U need to be happy in what U wear.
I took my sister shopping and a dress I felt totally uncomfortable in she liked but luckily she understood I couldn't wear it as felt to horrid it in.
I think U need to talk to her before going shopping explain that although yes U agree the figure hugging dresses are lovely U dont feel wow in them and that's what U want for ur day!
With regards to taking people U take who U like if U want them there then take then there isn't any rules of how many U should take x x
What a pain. Maybe it's time employ a little manipulation to the situation. I normally wouldn't suggest this but since this is an emotionally charged situation it's worth a try. Make sure she really knows how much you don't like the dress you don't want (make faces, talk about everything you don't like about it, cry in frustration) and get your friends on the case as well. Then when you try on a dress you love the contrast in your reaction will be so great she'll get it.
CommentAuthormadison_uk
At the end of the day its your wedding and your wearing the dress just say to her that you feel comfortable in the dress you like and want to be able to relax and enjoy your wedding day without feeling self conscious
CommentAuthorJoanna
It's your wedding, you can't wear a dress you don't like or don't feel comfortable in xxx
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Yes! My mum doesn't like the bottom of mine but hey I'm wearing it not her! U get what u want and feel good in! X
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthoremmaaa
I agree it's unfair of her to try and make you wear something you're not 100% happy with, it's your wedding day, does she really want the day to be overshadowed by you feeling uncomfortable with what you're wearing, and looking back at your photos in 20 years time and regretting not wearing a dress you loved? I was adamant I didn't want a figure hugging dress, I could carry it off, but I am a total pear shape, and although there was one I tried on that was really nice, and my mum and BM really liked, when I looked at myself in the mirror all I could see was hips!
You may find a dress that's a happy compromise that you both love, but if not, if it came to the crunch could you rearrange the budget so you didn't need her to buy it? Maybe look at secondhand / factory outlets, surely better to have the dress of your dreams nearly new, than be forced into something more expensive that you didn't like? And if your mum is being so controlling, maybe the threat of doing that would make her see how important it is to you. Good luck! x
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
Thanks ladies, I will try and work on her and get what I want.... I think its just my fears about my Mum taking over are starting to kick in....She has always been slightly controlling (not of me, but my brothers rely heavily on her) and I was impressed that she had taken a back seat (on my Dads advice I reckon), so much so, I even took her to see the venue last weekend... However, I just feel she is trying to start steering things seeing as she is buying the dress and its the one thing she might have a say in. I am normally very laid back, but can be very very stubborn. My Mum and I are close, and never argue, but I just feel it coming on and I really dont want it to happen..... Its not that I cant afford to buy a dress, its just my Mum offered and I think she'd be hurt if I didnt let her, however, I have to decide if its worth the hassle....
x
CommentAuthorTori
I notice your other post about negotiating and your mum being able to afford. Perhaps she is trying to push you towards dresses that are more in her budget? Maybe you could have a quiet word with the shop and let them know you will make up any difference. Shops usually don't put prices on anyway.
You also mention that you have friends going and your mum doesn't want them. Perhaps your mum has already dreamed of the day she would get to go wedding dress shopping with you?
Hope things work out xx
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
Thanks Tori, thats a really good idea.... I will call them tomorrow. I think my point was last time, that she would spend £5000 if I wanted it....but I didnt want her to. She doesnt have that sort of cash lying around and would struggle to get it, but she'd get it. The shop we are going to specialises in selling samples etc so I think the dresses will be much cheaper, Im no snob and will happily have a sample or end of season no probs... What I fear tho is that my mum will convince me to get something I dont want, she's very good at doing that and that is why I need my friends there who are more on my side.....But she doesnt want them there.... x
CommentAuthorlizzylou
Izzy have you told your mom what sort of dress you want? Does she know you would feel self conscious in a really fitted dress? I'm sure if she thought you felt unhappy and not confident in a dress she wouln't want you to wear it? Talk to her and tell her, before you go to the shop again that you know that she really likes the fitted one but that you are worried that you won't look or feel right in it, tell her you are feeling nervous and so you want to go back to the shop and for her to help you find one you do really like. Lay it on a bit thick if you need to! lol.
Lizzy. x
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
Yes, I have tried, and pointed out dresses similar to the one I love.... She just pulls a face and says they look like bog roll holders (you know, the knitted lady things!) I know why I am not confident in the fitted dresses (dont get me wrong I should be - Im a size 8/10 and 5ft10!), its because when I was younger, I had a curved spine and this has given me a slightly misshaped waist (think not symmetrical on each side). Now its not obvious, and tight fitting dresses actually make it better I think, but my H2B family dont know this about me, I am probably oversenstitve about it but I dont really want them asking questions.... I actually feel sick at the thought of it.... I am very outwardly confident, but I think inside, no one ever really is..... Me and my Mum dont really do feelings and talking about stuff so Im not really sure how to get onto the subject - I have tried the subtle approach and she's just not getting it. Thats why I invited my friends, to set her straight..... Wimping out of it a bit I know :-)
x
CommentAuthorMrsWearn2be
Oh hun! Im the same, size 8/10 and my hips look wonky! They dont look so bad now i've had a baby, but totally understand how you feel about the tight dress thing which is annoying because you have the figure for one, its probably not as bad as you think it is though, you always think it looks worse when its yourself, but I bet everyone else hardly notices- that was the case for me...but regardless of this, if you've found a dress you love in a completely different style, then you have to have what you love, otherwise you'll regret it so bad...Hope you manage to sort it out :) xxx
CommentAuthorlizzylou
Oh dear Izzy, that really is tricky. I guess then, like you say , take your friends along and hopefully with them all getting swept up in how wonderful you'll look in the dress you like it'll sway your mom around to your way of thinking. Don't let it stress you though. You have to feel good on your wedding day so your mum will just have to learn to live with your choice. It might be awkward at first but once you've made your choice and it's final i'm sure she'll come around. xx
Lizzy. x
CommentAuthorTori
I am sure you look great still but you will be self conscious all day and it could ruin things for you. Its your day and I do hope you manage to convince your mum of the dress you want.
What about trying some really mad styles before you try the one you like that way your mum may be more relieved to see a normal dress x
CommentAuthorIzzy_w
Im thinking maybe manipulation is the way forward.....Try on vile stuff and pretend I like it, and then finally try the one on..... If that doesnt work then there will be tears!! I have uploaded a pic of the dress I love onto my profile if anyone wants a peek.... I can't see what is wrong with it - it matches my BM dresses (think 50's prom style) and it is soo ridiculously comfy I couldnt stop smiling when I had it on (even though it was 2 sizes too big!!) Although I do think the gloves are pushing it a bit! x
CommentAuthorTori
That isn't toilet roll holder at all him it's lovely. Think you're right manipulation is the way forward xx
CommentAuthorlizzylou
It's really lovely Izzy - like you said - not sure i'd have the gloves but that's just me! Others may love them. I think your plan sounds a good one, try on a few very random dresses that you absolutely know you're mom won't like. Perhaps try and find a slim fit one but that's got something ridiculous about it so she won't like it. That way if you try on a few she really doesn't like then hopefully as you say she'll be happy you've got a nice one when you try your one. xx
Lizzy. x
CommentAuthorsuzky123
my mum was adament that it was to just be us two but in the end she let the BM see it. She said it was a moment between the mum and the daughter so it depends how strongly she feels about it x Plus the fewer people know about it the more of a surprise it will be on the day :)
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthormadhen
Oh lordy this is like a flash-forward for me because I know this is going to happen! Have only looked online so far but anything I say is nice I get "Really?? You like THAT?!" it's gonna be good...
CommentAuthorTori
Hmm my mum is pretty much like that too Suzky, on the plus side I do trust her to be totally honest and we do have pretty much the same taste.
We went to a wedding show at the weekend and only liked one dress and it was the same one so I am hoping that things will be fine. Although I have yet to start shopping....
CommentAuthorBarbaraU
edited
Two question for you, are you the only daughter and what sort of wedding dress did your mum have these may sound silly but as a only daughter I have been here b4 when I got married the 1st time.If you are her only daughter I'd say hang on your in for a rough ride, it wasn't the dress with my mother it was the head dress and veils she didn't have a veil and could not see the point in me having one and if i was having one have a short one but I wanted long we argued I cried to Daddy (he was on use at all) I stamped my feet then I said right I'll buy the stupid thing myself I no a veil is much cheaper than a dress but if you really want it stand your ground you can not be uncomfortable on your wedding day. but a size 8/10 and 5ft10 you'll look great in just about anything and thats from a just over 5ft size 18/20 (on a good day) umpa lupa But i do hope you get it sorted
