Wedding Forum - WE DID IT! RECAP with Student Photographer...

when it comes to the kids.... they have to let us know 3 times in a row on 3 seperate days that they want it cut....
Mon - want it cut
Tues - want it cut
Thurs - want it cut.................... at this point we will have it cut....however.....

Mon - Want it cut
Wed - Want it cut
Fri - not sure
Sat - Want it cut.................... at this point we would not have it cut because they are not completely sure, we want them to be completely sure about their own decisions. so they have to get the same answer 3 times in a row so that they can be sure of what they are wanting.

Does that make sense?

I think he looks good with short hair. I have the same worry with my H2B, his head is large, and I've seen photos of him before he grew his hair, and it really doesn't suit him nearly as well as the shoulder length hair that he has. I can see why you do what you do with the kids. As well as not wanting them to be disappointed afterwards it's a waste of money if they change their mind. Plus they learn not to make decisions without really thinking it through first.

Elinor Claire - this is exactly our reasons for doing this. The kids are only 6 & 4. I have to say, I used to feel annoyed when the older generation came up to me stating "its nice to see children with manners these days", i got annoyed before because as far as i am concerned, manners cost nothing, by the time the kids were old enough to talk i would make them wait in the queue at the shop & wait their turn to pay for their ice lolly/drink etc, the youngest still cant really say the word "receipt" so they always ask "ticket please". I got annoyed because i feel that everyone should have manners, & figured it was normal.... Nw they are older & have had the chance to mix with other kids, I am finding it rather difficult to keep their manners to the high standard i was originally teaching them, so now its nice when people comment on their manners.

I completely agree that they need to think their decisions through, there are some ingredients that even i cant pronounce that our eldest cant have, so we have taught him to see the spelling of those words & before he chooses anything edible/drinkable from a shop e has to check the ingredients list to see if it will make him sick. We have also now found out that our youngest has food allergies too & so we are in the process of teaching him too. But all these things involve teaching them to be better people (like any decent parent should be doing) & so we feel that making them tell us three times regarding a big decision such as their hair length (because it is a big decision once you get into school for boys because they obviously get grief for having long hair & put the other people straight ;-) ) or choosing what instrument they want to learn to play (our eldest said drums, then singing, then piano then we had about 3 months of nothing but guitar - so bought hi a guitar for his birthday) makes them realise that big decisions cannot be taken lightly, they are doing really well with this & I am glad we are teaching them in the way that we are as otherwise we could have wasted an awful lot of money by now if we had gone out & got what they asked for first time rather than letting them see the options & making an informed decision.

I am still not 100% on the hair, I have not really had the chance to see h2b most of the ay as he has been at work. We had a little tiff last night because I wanted a photo of the new hair do (I know it sounds pathetic but it wasnt the photo we had a tiff about as such) he was being really childish, covering my phone camera etc, after about 20mins of messing about i got annoyed due to the childish behaviour again. He got annoyed thinking i was annoyed about a lack of photo. He finally let me get a photo after i explained that its not the photo i was annoyed about its the fact that i spend all day every day with our 2 children, then when they go to bed i still have someone that acts like a child, we dont have any adult time anymore (havent for over 6yrs), when the kids are in bed its our time for us, for our relationship, to be adults etc, but instead he sits one end of the sofa watching tv, playing a console etc, whilst im the other side of the room doing my own thing, we only really aknowledge eachother when its time to lock up for the night & go to bed. We have the odd chat that takes up maybe 10 minutes, but its like we are in the same room but completely alone. I hope that makes sense? He agreed that it does feel like that alot & that we need to do something about it, he understands that im annoyed with the constant childish behaviour.

So me & the kids met him at work, we went green laning, didnt get very far as he had road tyres rather than off road tyres, so now im home with the kids about to get their dinner, hes just changed the tyres & has gone green laning to see if its any better, then once hes back me, him & our friend who came with us will be having a meal that i will cook, then i plan to kick the friend out then we can watch a film, have a cuddle, & maybe make it to bed at some point, but at least we have an adult meal & chat etc, (note that i invited the friend having just dragged him & his landrover out of a ditch whilst green laning lol). Im quite looking forward to h2b acting like an adult again lol.

I did get tears when I read that (Im soppy recently!) Have to say the last part about a team really is something that is important to me and H2B as we say we grow together or we grow apart and if you grow apart it gets harder to be a team :)

It is something simple like talking ! The amount of times especially in this day and age people don't speak to each , they live together but the amount of tech sometimes means it's just talk for food and maybe change the channel which is quite scary .

I used to work in a call centre so at times talking was the least thing I wanted to do even though normally I am never quiet so sometimes I just cuddled into him so a connection was there just not actual speech :) I really wanna see that film just added it to list for H2B as forgot about it lol

Ha thanks hoping if I record it now sometimes it records the whole film even though it's started :)

WOW OK so its been a long while since i last made an update...

H2B & I are getting along well, he snapped a bit yesterday about needing to work on the truck but being a taxi instead (we needed to get the lil ones birthday gift & I only had one pair of trousers due to holes in bad places in the rest from wear & it was raining so he said about going to do shopping). As if I'm responsible for the weather... but i think he just had a rough day at work.

Since my last post H2B managed to stab imself in the thigh cutting a water melon... that was an interesting night... had to get a neighbour whom barely knows our kids to watch them (luckily they stayed asleep) whilst we had a trip to A&E.... we had helimedics out and everything! I've never seen h2b that pale before.. he's usually great with blood & stuff! He was supposed to have investigative surgery but the hospital left it too late & h2b finally discharged himself without being seen or having his dressings changed over 24hrs later. The whole situation brought myself & h2b's witness closer together as i had to wake him up at 4am to take me home for the kids & we went off roading before heading home just to make me smile lol.

H2B's parents have offered to pay for an evening buffet for us. We are just waiting on the venue to get back to us regarding a buffet menu that caters to the food intolerances in the family as currently their buffet options do not cater for this.

We have sent out invites & so far there are only 5 on my side left to RSVP everyone else is coming :) on h2b's side however we have only had 8 people say yes leaving 18 to RSVP on his side.

I have started brewing the wine for the toasts today... shall let you all know how the taste test goes next week lol

i am really into the "bright side" stuff lately & have got a few decor bits from them.

I have recently (last night) sent a message to my BM's that states that I need the money for their shoes by wednesday as I have had the dresses nearly 2yrs & they still havent got shoes & im sick of reminding them basically (i worded it nicer than that). One (The Lovely Leesa) has been great & normally is the procrastinator but Auntie Bobbie has been procrastinating for nearly 2yrs regarding sending me £10 just for shoes... yet she can go out drinking... & have her healthy dog put down despite me finding her 7 other homes therefore 7 other options... we were looking after him for about 2.5 months! but thats another story.....

I have got all the money for the food costs (budgeted for if everyone attends so have the money for everyone)

I have started to get the party gifts.... so all the girls have the same thing which i cant say cos Lovely Leesa is on here.... & the blokes have different things so h2b's witness is getting a bright side pint glass that says emergency man fuel & a cigar cutter. my witness is getting a bright side pint glass & i havent thought of a little something for him yet. FIL2B is getting a personalised keyring. I got my grandad a pocket watch. Our boys have cufflinks personal to them. & im not sure what else to get them.

im currently trying to figure out which bouquet to order on tuesday as i dont like mine anymore.

a fair amount has happened since july but thats all i can think of off the top of my head atm....

yes he's doing fine thank you. He's healed really well actually.... got a nice scar but thats to be expected

So EXCITED!!! Just worked out....
Wedding Day Fry Up in Morning - £30.00
Banquet Roll for Table Covers - £12.49
Witness gifts x 2 - £18.00
FIL2B Gift - £4.45
Uncles Gift - £5.00
Rest of PB Gifts - £6.45
Bedroom Hampers - £27.00
My over seas guest Room - £29.00
H2B's over seas guest Room - £79.00

Total Remaining for WEDDING - £211.39!

Travel Insurance - £8.50
Cottage Balance - £322.00
Spending Money - £250.00
Fuel Money - £200.00
Suitcases - £61.99

Total Remaining for HONEYMOON - £842.49

Total to pay - £1053.88!

That's it! That's all there is left! It's really going to happen huh?!

It is lovely to see how little left there is yes :) its been 7 years too long lol (bloomin kiddies)

yes definately as the original budget was nearly £8000 & I have got it down to £5,220! That includes paying for my dress at full price from the store.... £695..... & also paying over the odds for rings over £1000 which h2b designed himself, & includes our honeymoon at just over £1000 too. So not bad at all. & the only thing not included in the cost is the evening buffet that the in laws have offered. Also take into account getting some new suitcases as we only have one tiny one at the moment

If you need any help just ask hun Im happy to help

That's fab Katya.. how relieved and exciting you must feel now! xx

well this has been 7 years in the making ladies.... so trust me when i say i was also there... i mean just have a read through here there were times i honestly thought it wouldnt be possible!

In fact it wasn't until the other day that i realised it was a bit tricky to shut the cash box that i decided to check what we had in there & what exactly was left to pay.

I found by not making monthly payments to vendors i found the main things got paid off quicker... Technically I still need to PAY £1600 plus however... by splitting everything down & looking at it in small quantities it became easier.... so rather than £768.20 for the venue i split it down...
1. £65 deposit
2. £95.40 corkage
3. £365.80 food & appletizer for non drinkers
4. £84 bridal suite
5. £79 my over seas guest room
6. £79 his over seas guest room

when you look at it like this it looks less daunting & easier to achieve... the fact that it is simply no easier to achieve at all is neither here nor there... its a mind game... its smaller quantities therefore more obtainable.

that way if you pay say £200 into the wedding funds a month.... thats corkage & a 3rd of the meal in one month, the following is more meal, but then the 3rd month youve paid off the meal & the bridal suite & some of the guest rooms! so you get this big kick out of paying 2 big things off & starting on another all in the same month. so yes as much as it seems your weddings are taking forever to pay off.... think about breaking the payments into more manageable sections & go from there....

The point im at now is most of my wedding still needs physically paying... however at the same time i have most of that money already. I'm not stressing about paying because i now the money is there & i know the remaining amounts is very little when i look at each thing seperately. When i think i have over £1000 worth of money to get... i feel more stressed... but when i think.. ok so i need the £322 cottage balance... i have 4 months left... ok i can do this.... i feel so much better... then once that paid off in 2months i know i have 2 months to get the £250 spending money.... then i only need £8.50 & i figure thats nothing so its cool.

At the same time when i think ive got £12.49 & £6.45 & £18 & £4.45 yes its small amounts but its looks alot cos im looking at it together rather than seperately.

Look at things seperately & it should help you to feel better about things. Work out what money you have then work out what you have paid off with it even if you are making monthly payments to your venue for a package... think ok its £50 a head.... I have paid £1000 off... look at it in the sense that you have paid for 20 of the most important people already! Trust me.. it works!

The trick is not to look! Just total it up, divide into equal payments per month... then forget the total & think what can be paid off in the first month? Trust me.... it looks so much better when you realise you have paid stuff off rather than paying multiple stuff in one g & it taking longer to pay each thing off.... just focus on one thing at a time. If you would like me to take a look just let me know the details & im happy to help.

I dont feel guilty about the amount im spending on one day because I keep a track of how much i originally budgeted for each item... then when i see the total originally budgets & realise its coming in at just over £2500 cheaper i feel proud of the amount i have managed to save. Its simply looking at it from a different perspective.... also compare your days cost to the "average cost" & feel proud your not that stupid lol

I too am happy that we sorted things out.... I feel that we had our "7 year itch" a couple of years early (the break down in the engagement the other year) & feel lucky to have had the people around me at the time to support me, take my kids out for the day forcing me to be alone with h2b & deal with our issues & making sure we had time for ourselves & made sure there was a relationship to fight for... I feel we just got into a rut where everything we did was for our kids & nothing for our relationship. Now don't get me wrong.... as a parent, your life does change, the children become your main priority, but at the same time... children KNOW when things are not quite right... just before the breakdown in our relationship I had an extremely hard decision to make.... something happened in my family & i could either sit & mope about blaming someone for something, be depressed & not get out of bed to deal with my kids, cry all the time etc... (which for a few months this is what i did) but i made the decision to tell myself that something happened that didnt.... i told myself 2 members of my family had died.... they didnt but due to the situation i can never see them again in order to protect them & my children.... so the decision i made was to tell myself that they had died & if they saw the way i was depressed & not getting up to my kids they would kick my bottom..... we were both under so much stress.... things just got too much & we realised everything we were doing was to protect our children & to provide for our children... nothing else mattered... however it soon became apparent that that wasnt enough anymore... we needed to face the relationship we had neglected in order to protect & provide. We were forced to face these issues.... I can honestly say that now we have been through all of that.... we have come out the other side so much stronger.... much as i hated it at the time & i was scared & i cried myself to sleep & half the time ended up sleeping on the sofa because i couldnt be near someone who had openly told me he didnt want to commit to me anymore.... i am so glad that all of that happened.... we have a better understanding of what we need for eachother now. we still have people around us & LOvely Leesa (Bridesmaid) is lovely.... she comes round every wednesday to see me... however... if one week she comes round & i ask if she minds watching the kids whilst me & h2b go for a walk... she has no issues.... she basically kicks us out the door! she knows how little time we spend together without others, & she even gets us vouchers for cinema for christmas & birthday to encourage us to go on date nights. she is simply amazing & I cant thank her enough.

It is because of the amazing friends that we have that we are still here today... if it wasnt for them we wouldnt have been forced to face our issues & make time for eachother. It is because of our friends I am here typing this tonight.... typing about how we will be getting married in 130 days!

Never underestimate the power of a relationship breakdown.... sometimes it is just the kick you need to get out of the rut you've been in in order to make your life much better in the long run.

On that note I feel I now have more material for my brides speech!

Took a look at the finances & this is what I have discovered....
2nd December 2014 - £145.00
£12.49 - Table Cloths
£29.00 - My over seas guests Room
£79.00 - Grandparents Room
£30.88 - Gifts
£7.00 - Bedroom Hampers
£8.50 - Travel Pack Insurance

9th December 2014 - £80.00
£20.00 - Bedroom Hampers
£30.00 - Breakfast

Then the wedding is paid for!!!

What's the reason he may not be able to attend? I know you said he has a baby on the way, is the baby due around your wedding date? Or is it for money reasons?
If it due date, then maby it is best you ask some one else, as you don't want to have him as the whiteness then he can't make it as his baby is on the way. Money reasons... There is not a lot you can do about this unless you offer to pay any expenses the there may be (not that I'm saying you should do this). All I can really suggest is that you think of some one else you would like to be your whiteness (maby one of you bm or you moh) explained the situation to them and ask if they could be a back up? It sounds cheaky but it's the only thing I can suggest atm. Xx

You can probably leave it a while before you have to make a decision. I know there is a point where you have to declare who your witnesses will be, but there must be provision for a last minute change as a witness could be ill on the day. We told our vicar who our witnesses were when we had our first formal meeting with her, but I don't think that was necessary. We confirmed the details a week before, but even then I don't think we had to give details of the witnesses, only of our fathers and their occupations. You can probably wait for a couple of months yet to see if he knows any more about whether he will make it or not.

My Order of ********* stuff ie "the poo room" sign, tin to put h2b's gift in, manicure set etc arrived today! So excited! The package also included some superhero plasters for my youngest as a stocking filler & a "Grrr Man Munchies" tin for h2b's Christmas gift from me.

As you may have read my h2b decided to stab himself at the end of August with a Kitchen knife whilst chopping some watermelon... So anyway a couple of weeks ago I was showing my Nan a particular website that stocks some of the ******* stuff & we came across a chopping board.... My Nan thought it was hilarious considering I had to rush h2b to A&E after his run in with the "Gangster Watermelon" as h2b puts it..... so anyway this chopping board says: "TO DO: 1. Chop quickly like chef 2. Go quickly to A&E" so consequently my nan gave me the money for it & I ordered it when I ordered my stuff. Took it down to my grandparents today & my nanny was in histerics! So her wrapping is no doubt going to be atrocious when she wraps this chopping board up for h2b for christmas this year as i can almost guarantee shes not going to be able to see what shes wrapping through the tears of laughter!

So whilst I was out I figured I might as well get a load of stuff for Christmas whilst I was at it...
£32 pound later & I have the kids stockings sorted, a gift box for lovely leesa's present, & all the stuff needed for h2b's parents, brother & brothers girlfriend... also for my family.... only things i have left to get is some clothes for my kids & the last of h2b's gift from the kids....

Its rather cute actually... looking through goggle images to try to get the boys to pick things out for christmas for the family & we came across "gifts in a jar" so my boys are wanting to do "spa in a jar" & "pampering in a jar" & "cleans up well in a jar" & "Caramel apple in a jar" & for h2b they want to do "worlds greatest pop in a jar" they are really cool they involve making hand creams, facial sugar scrubs etc so i picked up all the stuff for those today... Cant wait to start helping the kids make it all!

Also the banquet roll to cover the tables with arrived today too!

Now just waiting on a engraved keyring & 2 pint glasses

i forgot to post a pic of my bouquet.....

Your bouquet is gorgeous! Love the one blue flower it really makes it! Not long until your wedding now, you must be so excited! x

I have a while yet and was planning to do one thing each month to keep the excitement going and knowing I always have something to do but I am just buying things when I see them so no doubt when it gets to a few months before I'll be like you!

Oh I am wishing for next year just so I can say 'I get married next year' hahaha!

The story of the blue rose got me all teary! That's such a lovely thing to have and a great way to remember her!

Oh I will have to take a look! That's a good idea starting on honeymoon things now that wedding things are done! Not even booked ours yet but I will definitely get that app nearer the time :) x

Sounds like a fab app, my fiancé has been laughing at me because I keep going on about the honeymoon. I'm getting very excited about it again, but I think that's because I've realised that once Christmas is over it's going to be the year of our wedding and no doubt the time will fly. I'm starting to think about what clothes I'm taking already lol (but that's partly because I'm looking at buying a couple of new bits ;) )

Wow-it def sounds like your great Aunt has a lot of influence in your wedding, which is lovely :)

I had a quick look yesterday for gifts, but didn't really see anything. We have got people little bits. We're thinking of having a gift bag for them, and have little things like a candle for each of the ladies and a compact mirror. We're going to get the best man a game of thrones T-Shirt, which looks like it's splattered in blood and says I went to a wedding and all I got was this bloody T-Shirt. But we would like to get everyone a nice keepsake as well, like the glasses or tankards.