Wedding Forum - Hen do etiquette?...

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The Big Day > Hen Nights: Hen do etiquette?

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- CommentAuthorBlushingbride2b
  
  edited
Hi all,

So I've finally turned my attention to the hen do but I'm a bit stuck as to the guest list. I'll start by saying my closest friends are quite flaky and I know that most will probably drop out but so far most have said they are coming.

But what to do about other friends/family? I have a group of friends whom until recently I have spent a lot of time with. However, following a dispute with one of the group I have largely been snubbed by some of them. I have already given these people stds but if I'm honest, I don't really want to be friends with them anymore as I think they've made it pretty obvious that I'm not a valued member of our group. However, there are some that are also part of this circle of friends who I still really like and haven't got involved with the dispute. Should I invite them since doing so will send a clear message to the rest?

Then there's my h2bs family. I get on well with his sister but she doesn't go out very much and I worry that she won't enjoy it. And then there's sil2b (bil2bs partner) who I don't get on with, I'm just civil with her for the sake of the family. She's a very competitive person and I know she'll be making snide comments all night. Do I invite her anyway?

On top of this I'm worried that the groups of people won't get on as they are all very different people or am I over thinking this? Any advice would be much appreciated, cx.
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
I would say only invite those who you like and would want to be there. Don't worry about what others think, it's your hen party so you shouldn't have to have anyone there you don't want there and anyone you do want there then invite them, it is their choice then whether to come or not (and you find out who your real friends are) xx

Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
- CommentAuthorsprucey83
Sorry got confused by you giving people std's then!! But I understand now! Who cares who will get along with who! Invite whoever you want and it's up to them to make their own night as long as you have a good time! They're all adults I'm sure, don't get yourself worried about those that aren't true friends you'll see which ones end up being worthy of the friend title

Xx
- CommentAuthorAnnette
I'm doing something with my closest friends during the day and then inviting all female guests to dinner at the end of the night, is that an option? That way you get to have fun with the ppl you like and then you can be polite and have a meal with everyone including sil2b etc.

Invite who you want to your hen, dont have anyone there out of etiquette or feelings of duty- it's YOUR henparty for you to have fun at. Dont let anyone ruin it for ya xx

Breathe in, breathe out...
- CommentAuthorKat
Invite who you want. The last thing you want is to have your hen party full of women who you are wary of. Also don't worry about the groups not getting on. I have a whole mix of people going to mine this weekend and they have all chatted in secret about it so much that they are mostly already friends lol.

- CommentAuthorSelinaK
There will just be four of us for my hen do/day, there were others I could ask but quite frankly I didn't want to get into the whole politics of it all! Even my mother isn't coming to the hen (if you'd met her, you would know why lol!)
You should only do this once, so do it your way. You can only please some of the people some of the time (think thats the saying lol!!) xx
- CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
i invited the following:

Me
brothers GF (chief BM)
OH's Brothers wife (BM)
Mum
Nan
Auntie
cousin
3 girls from work
OH's 2 aunties
OH's Mum
Neighbour
2 old school friends (we've got close through the wedding and kitten recently lol)

I only invited them because i'm close with all of them there were other people i thought maybe i should have invited them but i'm so glad i didn't there was another hen do there with over 40 people there and they all just ended up fighting and falling out

just invite those who you want to be honest i would leave it until 2 months before when you want the hen do so your inviting those you really want there and are friendly with at the time rather than inviting someone you regret later

8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one

Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
- CommentAuthorBobsi
Im leaving the hen do to the BMs or should I say at the moment im leaving it to them.
I dont think they would invite ppl just for the sake of it. xx

Got together June 11th 2006
Getting married June 11th 2014
8 years to the day and I'll be Mrs T.
- CommentAuthorVickie
Invite who you want to invite, its your weekend/night etc, if you feel there is going to be tension don't invite them.
- CommentAuthorBlushingbride2b
Hi all and thanks do much for the advice.

Initially my BMs wanted to sort it out for me but in the end they couldn't agree so I took over. To be honest in not that bothered about having a hen do, I wanted a sten do, but h2b didn't. I'm only really doing it as its the done thing but now I've got it underway, I am looking forward to it as my friends and I don't get the chance to go out together as often as we used to do will be a good excuse to do it.

I'm not wanting to invite people to make myself popular either, i know who I want to be there but I was just unsure of the politics of it all. Like with the wedding itself, you just have to accept that there will be people there that you don't like. I didn't want to use my hen do to snub people and let them know what I really think of them. I can't really leave it too late to ask people either as it's alot of money as we're staying somewhere for a couple of nights.

I think I will invite sil2b out of family obligation, I'm sure I'll be too busy to notice her anyway. And im going to invite other girls that I like from the group but maybe ask them to kelp quiet as I don't want to offend anyone. Then like people have said, it's upto them.

Thanks again for the advice, cx.