Wedding Forum - H2B's family have created a drama...

Hello everyone,
I could really do with some advice on what seems to be the most pathetic situation going.

We're getting married in 11 weeks (we gave ourselves 6 months to sort out the wedding).
I have my three best and closest friends as bridesmaids and my little 10yo sister as flower girl. We're getting married in a registry office that's quite small for space and the reception venue will hold approx 100 people - so quite small in terms of numbers and venue sizes.
H2B's sister has 2 daughters, one is 6 the other is 17 months.

Tuesday (week before St Patricks day) there was a bit of confusion regarding the hen night and that no details had yet been provided. H2B's sister asked me if she should offer some help to a secret FB group, I approved and that was that until about an hour later a bridesmaid told me it was all sorted. I then updated the H2B's sister by screenshotting the message I had just received from the bridesmaid.
The message addressed the bridesmaids by name, H2B's sister asked me why I did't tell her about the bridesmaids. I apologised and swore that I must have told her or at least mentioned it, any way, after a few more pleasant messages the conversation was over and that was that. Or so I thought.

Thursday, (week before St Patricks day) H2B and me receive text messages from H2B's mum "we need to talk", it's 5 to midnight but we both replied and asked what was up.
Friday, (week before St Patricks day) 8:50am waiting to go in to the office, I follow up the message from the night previous asking if everything was ok. I receive a message back "No! Everything is not ok, I need to know about the wedding. I am hearing upsetting stuff and I need to hear it from you!!!", I follow up asking what upsetting stuff. no reply.
I send the messages to my H2B and he tries to establish what's going on. After an aggressive phone conversation with his dad, followed by a swift apology we were told that H2B's mum is very emotional and doesn't want to speak to us at the moment but it's about the bridesmaids.
After stressing all day at work H2B and myself go to their house to try and talk things through.
After all the cryptic messages, silences and aggression it all boiled down to not having H2B's sisters eldest as the flower girl.

I tried to explain that the reason she wasn't chosen was because it's a small venue and I want my sister to be the flower girl - not good enough a reason. I then go on to explain that this is my wedding too and I should be able to choose who i want on our day - not good enough. We left their house after having had the loudest row we've ever experienced.

H2B and me are livid. We get home and attempt to learn what caused this drama. I have my suspicions however nothing is true unless proven. I phone my parents and after listening to them they suggest that she could be the ring bearer, it's a nice role and it's something. We then inform both H2B's Mum and Sister of this.
Sister snubs it and say's that she doesn't want her daughter doing anything.

H2B finally speaks to his parents and visited them on the Sunday after the row, they apologised to him for not talking to him to begin with and that they would like for their granddaughter to be ring bearer.

1 week later, Sister messages H2B "I won't apologise for what's happened, just think about what your future wife has done". H2B replies "I think there is a large part of this that you should apologise for as you decided to speak to our mum as opposed to speaking with me. Also, I would like to know what it is exactly that my future wife has done". No reply.

It's been 2 weeks tomorrow since this al started and I'm really stressing out about it. No one is talking to me. I'm being blamed for making my own choices and despite a compromise it's not good enough. Things are so bad that H2B's sister is cooking for their mum on Mothers day with her husband and children but H2B is not invited.

I don't know what to do, what to say. I'm so angry that these people think that they can throw their toys out of their prams, kick off and get their own way (to a degree) and still continue to treat us like this.

H2B's sister is a royal pain in anyone's rear end anyway but I think it's so wrong of her and her princess complex that because her expectations weren't met, I'm the person that is wrong and must be held accountable.

I would really appreciate it if some of you could offer some advice xx

I would probably apologise to her and say that you are sorry for hurting her feelings, say again that her daughter can be ring bearer but say you wish she had spoken to you earlier about it. I would also state that I wouldn't want any hard feelings and for things not to get better.

I would however be feeling really annoyed that this happened but I think for the sake of the family, if there is a position available then your are not taking it away from anyone else.

I don't agree with the position she has put you in or her attitude but by the sounds of it that is her. Also you will be the bigger person in the long run. You don't have to mean it as such but it sounds like you don't want to miss out on family stuff in future. At the end of the day I like an easy life and I think if I were in that situation that is what I would do.

Good luck x

Honestly, this description of events doesn't cover all areas of the drama.

A compromise was offered and rejected. I suppose they can now deal with that themselves as it's their problem, not mine.
I have no interest in attempting to rekindle a relationship with the sister. We've had too many fallings out over 7 years - fallings out having been caused by her btw, and I believe she would admit that.
I will not apologise to her. Her actions have caused all of this mess and she must be the one to apologise to everyone. It would go against every bone in my body to approach her and say "oh, I'm so sorry, forgive me for not making this about you too".

It's my H2B I feel for. This is his family and he's caught up in it. Personally I would have severed all ties with them but I can't do that because of my love and respect to the man I'm going to marry.

I think H2B is going to try and see his mum tomorrow for a drink. Which would be nice for them if it's just the two of them.

Update since posting: H2B met with his dad today for lunch and according to his dad, he and his mum really want to fix things but they don't want to contact me first. - How the hell does that make sense?

I've tried to resolve it but no one will talk.
What can I do?

Update.

Met with his parents and his dad apologised.
Nothing from the sister.

To keep the peace I asked what her dress size was, 5-6 or 6-8 - no one is telling me.

It appears that they want her to have the role but they want to make it as difficult as possible.

What is wrong with people!

ARGH

I Have Nicole :(

Should I just wing it? Get two of each size.

Could be a subtle middle finger up at them I suppose?

The wedding is in 9 weeks and I just want it to be done with now.

Well I suppose I could return the other dress that doesn't fit?
H2B has tried talking to them too and nothing, not a word from anyone.
It's all rather sad really xx

You've been the bigger person by compromising. I would say you can't buy the dress due to a no return policy by the shop and say if they don't give you the dress size then she's not going to be flower girl

Hello Ladies,
Thank you for your messages.

We've still not been told what the suitable dress size is, so nothing I can do on that until they come back to either one of us. We have asked and chased and chased again.

It's absolutely pathetic and just to add to this drama, apparently the sister is coming to my hen do at the end of the month, oh the joy...

She turned 6 in Feb so I've just decided to wing it.
Getting her a dress that's age 6 and if it doesn't fit then the sister can go out and find one as long as it is within keeping of the theme.
They can make it as difficult or as easy as they like but with this continued childlike behaviour they're just going to make it a lot harder to communicate once we're all face to face.

I must admit, I'm beyond caring now and looking forward for this wedding to be over.