Wedding Forum - Church or No Church...

Is it possible that you get married somewhere other than a church and then have a blessing in a church? That way you will both have what you want.

Hi
My OH is a non practising catholic and wanted a church wedding - even though we have a RO booked.....so I said OK to the church but no to the catholic church so we are having it in a CofE church and now that its booked I am really excited. I never imagined getting married in a church but its so pretty and quaint and much better than the RO we had booked. We are having a catholic priest there as well to oversee to fulfill his and his parents wishes.
x

Are you baptised in any christian religion at all as I don't think a Catholic Church would marry you if not? Xxx

I'm not religious and Chris is Greek Orthodox, he wants the whole "my big fat Greek" wedding in church.
If I'm honest it wasn't what I originally wanted, but I was pleased to let him include his religion into our wedding as it's part of who he is.
Now I'm actually really excited as churches are beautiful buildings and after visiting to book it I fell in love the whole ambience of the place.

Talk it through, you'll come a happy compromise and make the day your own.

Hi Many moons ago i was engaged to someome before i met my OH. He was catholic and is parents went to mass every day!!!!! I was raised catholic but a confirmed atheist by thetine we met. He was desperate for a church wedding but i wanted my vows to be truthful and mean something to me. I was adamant Iwould not makevows to agod I didn't believe in. It took some time but eventually we found a church and priest who understood. He agreed to alter MY vows to remove the god references. e.g. OH Will you accept children lovingly from god and raise them according to the laws of the church? Me will you accept chilren lovingly and raise them according to the values you hold dear? he also suggested we have one bible reading and that I choose a piece of writing that 'spoke' to me. A lot of priests were unhelpful but we did find one who was supportive. Perhaps you and your OH could look into this?
Even though we eventually split it wan't because of this. I hope you find a happy compromise

Only you and your H2B can decide this, no-one else can as it is your wedding day. I can understand your husbands wish to marry in a church because I like him wouldn't feel married unless it was in my church as religion is something very important to me but at the same time, it is very hypocritical to marry in church and infront of a God you don't believe in. It may have to be something you compromise on as this is something important to him. He can have his ceremony at the church but then afterwards go to somewhere picturesque for a sand ceremony or something to honour your beliefs or vice versa - have a state ceremony and then have a blessing at the church for him? Your wedding day and the rest of your marriage I've discovered is always about compromise because it's no longer just about you anymore and sometimes you have to do things you may not necessarily want to do but you do because you love them and want to make them happy.The possibilities are endless with weddings and it can't all be about what one person wants but about a mix of the both of you as a couple. It's the bringing together of two people and that should reflect in the day. x

Personally I don't agree with non-religious people marrying in a church, whether that's both of you or just one of you. Why would you want to have vows that include God if you don't believe in God? How could you honestly say your vows when they include things that you don't believe in or agree with? Could you not have a normal civil ceremony and then have a blessing in the church after? I know that some Catholic churches will offer blessings if you ask for them xxx

I'm an atheist, have been since I developed the powers of reason and logic and realised I just do not believe in a 'higher being'.

For me, getting married in a church would just absolutely not be a possibility. For one, I think it is quite disrespectful to those who do believe to get married in a church if you are an atheist. But secondly, and most importantly for me, to me a church wedding would make my vows hollow and meaningless. I would basically be saying them in the 'eye's of a god I don't believe in, so for me it would feel the same as it might for someone very religious having a non-religious ceremony, if that makes sense. I want our vows to mean something, so for that reason, I just could not do it. Thirdly, I do not care for or respect the church, and would HATE to have religious content in our service. I would find it incredibly difficult having to listen to all the religious content, having religious content in my vows, praying, etc etc. I went to church for Midnight Mass a few years ago and realised then that churches are not for me; I felt uncomfortable the entire time, and haven't been back since.

I would speak to your OH and try to find out who feels most strongly. I would be kind of annoyed by the fact he isn't practising, TBH; but that's just me. I just feel it's a bit hypocritical to not practice your faith, and then insist on a religious service, and I can't help but feel he should be happy with a blessing. Also, as he is Catholic, you will need a registrar present anyway for the legal side of things; might this affect how he feels? Could you have a very simple civil ceremony with just a few people, and then a church service/blessing as the 'main event'?

It's a difficult one, and TBH it's one reason that being religious is on my fairly short list of deal-breakers in a relationship.