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  1.  
    • AliceB550
      CommentAuthorAliceB550
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi All,

    Just wanted a bit of advice.

    I offered to help organise my friend's hen party a while ago as she said she wasn't having any bridesmaids. I would class this friend as my best friend and wanted to make her hen party really special so made a start looking for venues etc straight away. However a couple of months down the line, after I'd found the perfect airbnb to rent for the weekend, she told me another friend had asked to be a bridesmaid and she said yes. I didn't think they were particularly close and thought it was a bit odd. I've got to admit I was a little hurt too, but brushed it off.

    So, with her now having a bridesmaid I asked if I should pass hen do duties on to her, but she said just to try to get her involved as she doesn't have much time (neither do I btw). I texted the friend, to which she responded yes lets get together and plan, so I sent her a link to the place we're going and told her dates I was free for planning, but then the messages went dead. No response, no definite date to meet up. We needed to get people invited so I created a facebook event and invited everyone. Everyone responded with a yes in a couple of days, except the bridesmaid. I gave it time, thinking she hadn't been of fb, but she had as she'd made other posts. So I decided to get started on games and asked the fb group for ideas - adding that the bridesmaid would probably have some surprises up her sleeve. She then joined the group but didn't respond to the post.

    I just don't know what to do. She's definitely not upset about me planning things as I've asked her about it and she's not that type of person. But I'm starting to feel increasingly upset about the whole situation. I'm putting in all the effort and the bridesmaid just doesn't seem bothered. It's a very odd situation.

    Should I continue planning for my friend? or find out what's going on with her bridesmaid and make her aware that really it's her duty? I feel a bit used tbh...all of the work but none of the glory springs to mind!

    Thanks all
    Alice
  2.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would just make the bride aware that she isnt as involved in the planning as you would like but that she will still have a brilliant hen. Mention that if she needs support of another Bridesmaid you will be happy to help.

    Personally if someone asked me to be a bridesmaid I would say no because it is something to be asked to do and a privilage but maybe the bride has different feelings to me and you should be upfront and tell her you feel like more of a BM than the actual BM..

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  3.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would continue to plan it for your friend but just let her know it's all your effort and the BM seems disinterested despite it actually being a BM duty. Then maybe drop in that if you were a BM you'd be able to do even more for her xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  4.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
     
    Hi Alice,

    You've been doing this for your friend before you were informed about the new bridesmaid.
    If the bride and the bridesmaid have no objections to you planning and continuing to plan the hen do then there's nothing to feel bad about. Carry on doing what you're doing.
    It appears that your communication with the bridesmaid is spot on so you can't be held accountable for anything that's missed/not known/understood etc.

    You've set up a page to get some ideas from the other hens, you've even shouted out about the bridesmaid, carry on with the group, if the bridesmaid doesn't respond after a week, drop her a text. If you still don't hear anything ask the bride if she's due to see her bridesmaid soon, if questioned by the bride, simply say that you was waiting on her input and if the bride could subtly remind her to get in touch it would be greatly appreciated - don't stress the bride out about lack of communication etc.

    As for the feeling of "all of the work and none of the glory", all the hens would have seen you put in the effort and will continue to speak about it, you'll be given the credit. Don't worry.
 

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