I sent the first batch of invitations out last night and I've just had a message on book of face from my Cousin to say that she's received hers (good job R0y4l M41l). We agreed that we wouldn't have children there, apart from children of immediate family (initially it was just my 2 year old Niece and 13 year old Half Sister, but it now covers my baby Niece who will be 4 months old by the time of the wedding). My Cousin has asked if she can bring one of her sons who will be 7 months old by the time of the wedding, even though we've said only children of immediate family. She hasn't yet mentioned her 11 year old son.
Do we stand firm and say no, which is what we both said when I first read the message, or do we say yes and potentially open the floodgates for other people wanting their children there? Our reception venue is in a goods shed at a railway museum and I'm assuming at 7 months old he'll possibly be on solid food, starting to walk and very curious.
CommentAuthorAprilS61
I would definitely stand by your 'immediate family only' rule. The good thing is that she hasn't mentioned her other son, if she's not planning on bringing the older one there must be somebody to stay with him, so I'd think that person could have the little one too? Hopefully it's as simple as that anyway without knowing family backgrounds lol. Don't let her change your mind x
Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15
CommentAuthorCamilaL
I think you should stand by your first decision. What if everyone decides to ask for the same? :/ It's complicated...
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
My Mum made a good point in that she won't want to leave him with anybody else so we'll need to decide if we would like her to be there. She is one of my nicer Cousins so it would be nice if she was there, and it would probably cause a fall out somewhere along the line because she's quite tight with some of my not so nice Cousins.
We'll just make it clear that that's it, no more! Hopefully he'll be well behaved.
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
edited
At 7 months old if she had opted to will may still be breastfeeding, which may be why she asked for the baby one but not the old one.
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August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
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Maybe set a new rule (but don't tell anyone unless they ask) that if people ask about under 1's coming that you will say yes.
Personally I think you shouldn't bend the rule as it could cause problems further down the line, but I can see your point about her being one of the nicer one's and you actually wanting her to go.
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
edited
Good idea Donna. Hopefully nobody else will ask! *crosses fingers*
And to be fair, she asked and didn't just assume it would be alright :o)
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Yeah it is nice that she asked :)
I will keep fingers crossed that noone else asked either for you :)
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
I told a couple of our friends that unfortunately numbers and money could not stretch to their kids as well. They were fine with it, but one did ask if they minded the bringing their baby as he was still little, I didn't at all as he was still in a pram and was really good,
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorthefuture:Mrs_Hurren
I agree it's a hard decision to make. We have said no children except for my 2 Paige boys. Everyone else will be over 16. I do think that the under 1 rule is a good idea this allows for nursing mums to be able to attend.
X
CommentAuthorEmmaG
I would def say yes to her, 7 months is still a young baby, it wont be starting to walk majority of babies dont even start crawling until 8/9months. Pretty much every caterer and venue I spoke to , wont class under 2 years old as a "per head" so it's not like you have to pay extra or drinks.e.t.c for baby to come. We having children can come if 5 and under as caterer not charging us extra for children of that age. I'm sure she understands no children and that's why hasn't mentioned the 11 year old.. 7 months old is a lovely age and Im sure they wont be a prob for you them being their at all :)
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CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Emma, I don't think the issue to start with was the 7 month old, but more the worry that if she bends the rules for the 7 month old then more people will say ''well if her baby is going, can my child come?''
But I think the right decision has been made in the end and she can always fall back on a under a certain age rule if need be :)
CommentAuthorEmmaG
ahh I see, I saw about it being 7 months and curious and they hope he will be well behaved.. so thought she wasn't sure about letting the baby come or not.. I see what you mean.. yes deffo just do the under 1 rule only if anyone else asks :)
Soooooo excited to be marrying my Best Friend !!
Life is Wild, Love it Live it !
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
My Mum said that he probably won't be very mobile at 7 months old so he should be fine. All my other Cousins have older kids anyway so that shouldn't be a problem.
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
A 7 month old baby is more than likely not To be walking or even toddling about unless it is well advanced for its age, you could maybe say to her the reasons why you don't want children there and ask her her reasons for wanting the baby to go, but let her know that if other cousins start asking to bring their kids because she is taking her baby then you will need to say she can't bring him, (basically she can take him but not to say to any one else)
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CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
iv had this problem with people asking can they bring there child etc but iv had to just say no to everyone and stand firm! another reason we didn't want children was the noise during the speeches etc i went to a wedding last year and the speeches were ruined with the noise of kids infact the video she had made for the big day was horrendous you couldn't hear a lot of it from the noise of children. we've got the bare minimum and thats because they are all travelling from scotland! my niece who will be nearly 3 and my fiance's little sisters who are 5,8,10 and his nephew will be nearly 3 and I'm making activity packs for them which will hopefully keep them quiet.
x
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CommentAuthorclairenina
I would stand firm on your decision, if that's what you want. People know where they stand, and there's less scope for misunderstandings
CommentAuthorLoisD91
We had a similar blanket ban but a couple of new mums who are still breastfeeding have asked and we've allowed them to bring their babies. Under 1s I don't really mind as they don't get in the way too much!! We had a couple of people with older children who have found it difficult to come without them, and initially we said no. As more RSVPs have come back, and some in the negative, we've been able to create space for them and allow them to come. I have always said that it's our decision whether we want children there, people should respect that. Just as I respect the fact that they may not be able to come because of that. It works both ways.
CommentAuthorLoisD91
We had a similar blanket ban but a couple of new mums who are still breastfeeding have asked and we've allowed them to bring their babies. Under 1s I don't really mind as they don't get in the way too much!! We had a couple of people with older children who have found it difficult to come without them, and initially we said no. As more RSVPs have come back, and some in the negative, we've been able to create space for them and allow them to come. I have always said that it's our decision whether we want children there, people should respect that. Just as I respect the fact that they may not be able to come because of that. It works both ways.
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
We've said to her that she can bring him but forewarned her that there are steps and and a bridge to cross to get to the goods shed, which obviously isn't practical for a buggy/pram but she will be able to be dropped off in the disabled parking area. Unfortunately due to 'health and safety' she can't be picked up from there at the end of the night (my Sister asked the question when we went to visit the venue because she'll have a buggy too) so we'll make an arrangement with my Uncle to take her and little one round to the front of the building at the end of the night. We're doing the same for my Sister so it shouldn't be a problem. My Cousin lives in Hampshire so after speaking to my Mum I can understand now why she wouldn't want to leave him.
I haven't had a reply back from her yet. I thought it best to let her know rather than her turn up at the venue and get a shock. Hopefully it won't put them off coming.
We initially didn't want kids there because I've been to weddings where they've caused chaos and H2B's Cousins have lots of children between them, so if we'd had them all there it would've cost us a fortune! My Stepsister wouldn't make an exception for my Sister at her civil partnership ceremony a couple of years ago. My Niece was 4 months old at the time and my Stepsister told my Sister that they wanted the adults to enjoy themselves without having to worry about the kids. There was no way Philippa was going to leave Delilah with anybody so they didn't go. Philippa did make an exception for her best friend's baby at her wedding in 2011 and he was good as gold through the whole thing.
We'll just have to wait and see what happens when the RSVP comes back.
