So just spoken to my Mum on the phone and I think I'm actually in shock - all my thoughts have gone kind of fuzzy and I feel really numb so sorry if this doesn't make sense... I called her to ask her thoughts on the wedding night accommodation. The venue has 12 rooms and she said when we booked that she wan't sure if she'd be staying over as its not far from her home and she doesn't drink so will be fine to drive, so as I was coming up with the list of who should get each of the rooms I just wanted to see if she had made a decision about staying at which point she informed me that she was getting despondant about the whole thing because she's looked at the guest list and although the majority of guests are her side of the family and old friends who helped raise me she feels that her real family are those she now knows from the temple since she found religion and therefore feels like she doesn't want to come to the wedding if she can't be surrounded by the people who matter to her. I should probably point out that on top of those people on the guest list I also allocated an additional 6 blank spaces for her to invite who she wanted (I also gave 6 spaces to OH's parents and between them that's 10% of our entire capacity which I thought was fair but apparently not). She's also saying she would rather her in-laws (my step-grandparents) weren't there so she can have a couple more friends I have never met. To accomodate her religious beliefs (we wanted to make her happy although we don't share those beliefs) my OH and I agreed to let her organise a blessing ceremony a couple of months before the wedding and my Grandad knows we're at full capacity for the wedding but is getting really excited and has started inviting people to the blessings which is causing more stress because we agreed to the day as long as it was family only (although my Mum still managed to add an extra 10 of her friends and refused to let OH's uncles and aunts (who we're really close with) have an invite because she doesn't know them) and now because of the extra people she's threatening to not invite any of my actual family to the blessings so that she can accomodate hers and my Grandad's friends instead. A few months ago we were arguing about who should be able to come to the blessings and we're already inviting more people in the evening because its also my Aunt's 60th but the date was chosen because according to Mum's religion's calendar its the same auspicious day that she got married on so to ease some of the guest list tension I suggested she also celebrates her anniversary and make it a triple celebration so the day would go along the lines of family only for the blessings, her friends then come along to celebrate her anniversary and then my Aunt's friends join us for the surprise 60th celebration... this was immefiately rejected but thanks to my Grandad it is now something she's considering. OH has tried to calm me down by saying that there's no way she would actually miss our wedding and that its just the power play of a 6 year old and I need to not rise to what she says and just let her throw her tantrum and continue planning our day with who we want to invite. I know he's right but I can't help feeling really pants right now. Sorry, just needed to get it all off my chest.
CommentAuthorKellyN29
Sometimes mothers come across as so uncaring, mine keeps saying she might not come and I'm lucky she is blah blah blah...However we have said it is our day and like she has always told me you get what you are given so she'll have to like it. Doing the right thing or even something to keep the peace doesn't always go in your favour. Be strong -it is unlikely she will miss being mother of the bride :)
CommentAuthorLauraY27
We've had the religion argument but with my grandad. He is a Jehovah witness and has refused to come to the church. I'm not religious but h2b is and the church is the one thing he wanted. I told him we all have to compromise and he said "I'm not coming to that but I'll come after for the food". I told him that if he does that he'll most certainly not be having any food. He can't say he's not coming and then expect to be fed.
I think you've been more than fair with her and if she decides not to come then more fool her, it's her loss. Don't bend over backwards anymore for her. It's you day not hers xx
CommentAuthorCatherineR
edited
I'm sorry but who's wedding is this? Your Mum's or yours because to be perfectly honest it's 'Mum wants this, Mum wants that' and absolutely nothing about what you want let alone what your OH wants. She's walking all over you (or it seems it) and seems to be under the impression that it's her day! I think you need to tell her to belt up and remind her that it's your day and not hers and if she doesn't like that then tough! The day isn't about HER friends or HER new religion and I'm sorry but all that crap about not inviting OH's aunts and uncles etc that you don't know? Hypocritical when you are expected to invite people from her temple and provide spaces for people you've never met when she's doing the exact same thing.... Jesus wept!! I would have lamped her by now!!
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
How fussed are you and H2B about the blessing? Are you needing to pay for it or is your mother? If she's paying, and you don't have any major objection to it, I'd be inclined to suggest that you let her get on with it, and focus your energies on the wedding day. Let her invite who she wants to keep her happy, on the grounds that you call the shots for the wedding guest list. Having said that, if you really don't want the blessing, or if you do and H2B wants all his family there, dig your heels in. Also don't pay for anything that you don't want. If others want something, they can pay for it.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
I'm intrigued to know what religion your mother has joined.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorKjs2016
All I would say is work at it and don't fall out over it - easier said than done I know! Remember it is your wedding and should be who you want there and how you want it. But having lost my mum 18 months ago I would give anything to have her interfering and being involved in my wedding day now - so I really hope you can work through it together and come out with the outcomes you want. Luckily for me no-one on either side is religious which removes that issue altogether but keep coming back to at the end of the day, it is yours & your oh's day do what you want to, not everyone else. They will still be there regardless!
CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
i dont see eye to eye with my mum, she lives in Australia... I would love it if she said she isn't going haha!
If your mum doesn't want to go then its her loss. Dont chase her just leave her x
Found the man of my dreams
Getting Married on the 13th June 2015
CommentAuthorAH86
I would personally tell her if she doesn't come because the people she now cares about are her family (HOW OFFENSIVE) then I would ask if caring for you was not a big enough reason to be there??
All the fuss with the blessing, you are very patient I must say cause if it were me I would've told her to stuff it by now! X
Friday 10th April 2015
Marrying my best friend
Not long now :D
CommentAuthorFranM76
OMG, I am at a loss for words! Families can be a pain I know, but if my Mum reacted like that I would certainly tell her as politely as possible that it's not her day so it's her choice if she wants to come or not. I personally would call her bluff - hopefully you can do that without really falling out. Maybe she's just caught up in the excitement of it all (I'm sure tried to take over something because we're excited about it!?) It's your day hun (and your OH's obviously) - stick to what you want. I agree with Elinor about the blessing - if you're not that bothered and your just going ahead to keep her happy, let her get on with it and you concentrate on your very special wedding day. Try not to lose sight of the fact that no matter what happens, your wedding day is one of the most special days of your life - don't let ANYONE ruin it xxx
CommentAuthorclairenina
My mother tried to be manipulative over who we are inviting. I stuck to my guns, and have told her very little about the wedding plans because of it. The less she knows, the less she can interfere. Don't let your Mum ruin your wonderful day x
CommentAuthorShowgirl
Thanks ladies, I'm feeling better this morning - partly because everything always seems better after night's sleep but mostly because my step-dad text me this morning saying he was transferring their remaining half of the budget into my account to spend as I want and no longer have to argue with Mum if we want to have chair covers or not. Mum is now a Hare Krishna (its that age old story of the covert being more fanatical than the people born into the religion). We're actually not too bothered about having a blessing but because I'm an only child I felt bad refusing her request since this will be the only one she'll get to organise (hopefully). She is paying for all of the blessings and we told her that she could have complete control of the day (partly to deflect her attention from the actual wedding) except for the guest list which we had wanted to be an intimate family only occasion as we both hate being the centre of attention as it is and we knew that Hare Krishna weddings tend to be packed with literally hundreds of people who often don't even know the bride and groom.
