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  1.  
    • Noodles
      CommentAuthorNoodles
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We had our first decline to the wedding yesterday - OH's Uncle and Aunt. It wasn't much of a shocker, at OH's cousin's wedding last year, they abruptly left in the morning, didn't say goodbye to anyone (as they stayed the night at the hotel) and only bumped into OH because he works in the petrol station close to the hotel, and they said bye to him, and "Good luck with your wedding"

    Anyway, they have declined "due to work commitments that day".

    We think OH's grandma is going to be upset because she was so certain they were to come. I feel awful for her, when FMIL was discussing it with her she was ignoring any notion that they wouldn't go. And now we have it :/

    Second problem from this decline is as previous threads, FMIL will think this means an automatic pull forward from evening invite for her friend who she told was invited to the full day wedding before the invitations out etc. etc.
    My opinion hasn't changed. H2B said he was going to speak to his dad about it (as he's more reasonable) but I think H2B may have left it a bit late now seeing as the decline has come through.

    I'm going to keep my head clear and not think of it at the moment. I think it's easier that way.
  2.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ah thats a shame for his Grandma... :(

    I haven't seen the previous threads about the FMIL...do you have other people you would prefer to move up from an evening to a day? or would you be just cutting the places that the aunt and uncle were taking off altogether? xx
  3.  
    • Noodles
      CommentAuthorNoodles
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Kitty yes, long story short FMIL would have had 9 people coming to the wedding out of 47 remaining guests (once you remove the wedding party parents/bridesmaids/groomsmen) and I finalyl told her that one of them wasn't on the list as neither me or OH knew who they were or had met them, nor would they know anyone else at the wedding! FMIL kicked up a stink about it because they were here "best friend!" - tried to justify their invite by saying they were helping her with chair covers. Didn't even tell me they were helping at all so I would have looked like a b3ll end because I wouldn't have acknowledge the help because I didnt know!

    Every time we see her FMIL asks if we've had any declines so she can tell them they're still coming, but this is the first decline. Last time we saw FMIL i told her that I wasn't comfortable with having someone I didn't know (and for the sake of argument, I'm not getting to know someone just so they can come to my wedding and for me to never see them again afterwards)

    I'm not losing any sleep over the aunt and uncle not coming, because they were really awful at his cousins wedding, where the younger sister of the bride even said she was so angry at the way they acted, she wouldn't invite them to hers (and she's not engaged yet!) but it's having knock on affects with OH's grandma and mum!
  4.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    yeah they don't sound like they will be any great loss! although its always difficult with the older generation as things like that upset them don't they...do you think there is any chance that as it has upset your OHs grandma they will change their mind?

    Luckily my mum and dad are paying for the venue/catering so the couple of extra people they added to the list they are paying for anyway which is fair enough and I do know the people pretty well (apart from my Dad's friends wife who i have only met once or twice) so it wasn't really an issue...FMIL has only asked for her friend and her husband and kids and she only asked for them to come to the evening so that was a big sigh of relief too!

    I would just get your OHs Dad to have a discreet word to say that even if there are declines her friend might not be at the top of that list...and then if she mentions anything just say you are waiting to get everyones RSVPs before you make any decisions about moving people up from evening.

    I know its REALLY annoying that shes asked her friend and put you in an awkward position but maybe she just got carried away with talking about the wedding, I have friends like that! and now she knows she's put her foot in it she probably feels like shes in a awkward position with her friend now too. not saying you should change your mind or anything though...i have been VERY strict about my guest list you should do what makes you happy. :)
  5.  
    • Noodles
      CommentAuthorNoodles
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Not sure if grandma being upset will nudge them in the 'right' direction? I wouldn't care really just the reason is stupid, their daughter is getting married and she lives in abroad so I could understand if that was the reason because they're saving for that, but its just sort of like "you're not worth a day off work!" nevermind!

    OH's parents are putting our dog in kennels, paying for flowers and chair covers, and getting our cake. Which is enough really, but she keeps on asking to pay for more and we've said no because we don't need anymore help (and mainly becuase more money means more reason for her to pipe in with I've paid for X Y and Z so I should have a say!)
    The other people she's invited I like and have met plenty, so I don't mind having there, some OH wanted there anyway! but when my mam isn't inviting anyone really, it just wasn't fair and I'm cutting my friends out so she can have someone I've never met (and a plus one!) to come to the wedding? No.

    I can understand she's getting carried away, she is really excited. But one of 'her' guests is also the mother of H2B's god daughter, and H2b was saying he bumped into her in town and she told us that grandma was very restrictive on FMIL's wedding. About a week later FMIL told us this herself, the only thing she got to pick was her boquet, everything else was chosen for her. So in a way she's sort of trying to claim what she missed out on her day from ours!
  6.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    yeah I agree your own friends and family should definitely take priority for any extra slots...and really in all honesty is this woman going to want to come to your wedding? i mean im sure it will be lovely but...its a bit weird isn't it? if you don't know the bride or groom? and its not like she would be going with her partner who knows the bride and groom...? maybe shes a serial wedding guest, like in that film wedding crashers haha! i would be a bit bored going to a wedding of someone who i didn't know from adam and had to sit through the ceremony and meal by myself knowing the only other person I know will be tied up with their friends and family for most of it!
 

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